Friday, January 1, 2010

I think I'm over the snow

Just for the record, it's supposed to snow for the next three days and it's not expected to get above freezing for the foreseeable future. Winter is not two weeks old and I think I'm ready for Spring. My kids got new bikes for Christmas and I'm thinking they may get to use them come May, if they play their cards right. They have gotten some good sledding in, though, and it's hard to beat that. And Dan looks so cute all bundled up in his black snow suit and brown jacket, kind of like a negative image of the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

Have you ever heard of that show called The Soup? It's pretty much the only show I watch and I only watch it because Celeste got me hooked on it. It's hosted by Joel McHale and he basically shows clips of all the other entertainment-worthy stuff that happened during the week and makes fun of it. His wit is snarky and sharp right up my alley. And I've discovered that if I watch The Soup I don't have to watch anything else and I can pretend I know what Celeste is talking about when she makes pop culture references.

It's on Friday nights and we TIVO it. The problem is we only get around to watching it about 4 or 5 weeks after the fact so I'm just now finding out, for instance, that there’s a new show about a bunch of black friends living on the Jersey Shore, someone Kardashian had a baby and I slept with Tiger Woods. Anyway, you should check it out.

I woke up with another migraine this morning. Jim pointed out that perhaps they are triggered by holidays. I'm a little worried because I've almost run through a month's supply of Vicodin and I haven't quite run through a month. My neurologist tells me that I should only take the Vicodin as an emergency measure and I tell him I understand this, but the Tic Tacs he's been giving me are not having any effect. So next month he's going to switch me from Tic Tacs to Mentos, and if those don't work we'll try Skittles, etc, etc. I'm just glad Valentine's Day is 6 weeks away and I'll have time to refill my Vicodin before then.

I remember when I was packing for my trip to Australia I counted out exactly how many Vicodin I thought I would need for 3 weeks. Why did I do this? What on earth was I thinking? Why did I think the concept of packing light should extend to a pill that weighs half a gram? Because of course I ran out. I'm sure with the time and date changes and all the flights it just exacerbated things. It's not like I could just ask the ruggedly handsome tour driver to pull the bus over while we were trundling through the Outback because I needed a place to rest for 6-8 hours in air-conditioned comfort.

So it was that on the final morning of the trip I woke up with a migraine and stared at an empty Vicodin bottle. I boarded the Qantas jet in some distress. I was sitting next to a nice woman from New Zealand who had no idea what she was in for. I exchanged greetings with her and asked if she perhaps had something on her for a headache. She smiled. Excedrin? Offering Excedrin for a migraine is akin to offering a Hello Kitty band aid to someone who's just been beheaded. No, stronger, I said. Much stronger. She looked at me as if I were on drugs, which of course, I wished I were. No, she said. Do you have a migraine? Yes, I said. Perhaps the flight attendant will have something, she suggested, though I doubted they stocked what I was after. Maybe some sick bags, I asked, just in case. She pressed the attendant button, a little aggressively, I thought, and settled back in her seat wearing an expression like she'd won the grand prize in Shirley Jackson's short story The Lottery.

They brought me some wet cloths for my forehead and sick bags and ha ha, some Excedrin, and I somehow made it through that flight only having to use the former, much to the relief of my seatmates.

I'm making black-eyed peas today because that's a traditional good luck meal to make on New Years Day. I have to confess that that's the real reason I bake a ham, so that I can use a nice, meaty ham bone to make a pot of beans. I'd make a lousy Jew. Also, the birds are going crazy over my suet block. I don't know whether it's the Malt-o-Meal cereal or the butter-flavored Crisco, but I think I've hit on something.

Here's wishing that 2010 exceeds your every expectation. Wouldn't it be nice if, just once, we all suffered from a lack of imagination when dreaming up our wishes for the coming year? I think so.

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  1. I think your conversion class teacher is going to have some issues with the meaty ham bone in the pot of beans. Just so ya know...

    The Soup is, of course, awesome, but I'm not sure if you can appreciate The Jersey Shore w/out actually watching an episode or two. But then you know I'm drawn to bad tv like a vampire to a virgin neck.

    Hope you feel better soon. Maybe you don't have migraines? Maybe it's just Vicodin withdrawl?

  2. Good writing, Kristin. Telling details, but not over-detailed.

  3. If it makes you feel better this has been a bad year for don't want snow that is!!! "Everyone" is getting dumped on literally... seem to have a great deal of migraines???

    I wish you no migraines, for it to stop snowing, and a multi million dollar deal with your suet block!!!


  4. So are Excedrin just Panadol? And is Vicodin Panadeine Forte? Or is Vicodin really Endone which is heaps stronger than Panadeine Fortes? If you are confused spare a thought for me, I'm Australian.
    How do you make black eyed peas? The ham bone gave me a bit of a clue. I make a kick-arse lentil soup with the ham bone probably the same thing just with a different pulse.
    I could google everything but...

  5. Yes, Excedrin and Panadol are basically the same: acetaminophen. Vicodin is a narcotic, hydrocodone, and it makes you happy and pain free. I actually prefer lentils with my ham bones, but since it's NY's I'm doing black-eyed peas. I just put in broth and ham and some seasonings.

  6. We even get the Soup over here (its on right now) my wife knows more about what they're talking about than I do, but Joel is pretty funny.

    The show gives me a window on a world I never knew existed (nor needed to!).


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