Saturday, February 20, 2010

Letting it all hang out

I received a beautiful award from Marcella at Belly Up, a Hanging Out the Wash Award. Marcella equates good writing with vulnerability and “letting it all hang out” and created this award to honor bloggers who were not afraid to put it out on the line. So thanks Marcella – I'm honored.

I met Marcella over at Writers Rising, where I'm now contributing periodically. There are a variety of writers who post there and whose pieces tend to be inspirational, reflective or spiritual in nature. And then there's me.

Marcella's latest post, Internal Bikini, talks about the tenuous hope we women of a certain age harbor each Spring that maybe this year, just maybe, will be our year to don a bikini again. But who are we kidding? Is it really worth the herculean effort necessary to whip a perimenopausal, non-gravity-defying, closed-for-child-bearing body into that kind of shape? Not really. Instead, she suggests we call upon the years spent building our confidence, acquiring the love of hearts small and vast and generally honing our spirits, turn our insides out and don our internal bikinis. Not a bad idea.

Speaking of turning things inside out, I'm changing my site. Again. So if you click over here tomorrow and all looks different you haven't landed on the wrong blog. It's still me. New pages may continue to appear as well as I'm intrigued by the idea of hiding things in spots where people may not think to look. Nothing earth-shattering, just random drivel. By the way, I've told Badger to find me a new word as I've overused drivel to the point that it's gone beyond tiresome and now feels oppressive. Am waiting.

When I was looking through my cell phone for my ice driving fence slam picture I came across one I had forgotten about. I don't use my cell phone camera often. Don't use the phone itself hardly ever, in fact. Phones are evil.

Anyway, before my trip to Australia it dawned on me I needed a new bathing suit. Obviously. So I told Jim I was going out to try to find one that was moderately flattering from certain angles on a moonlit beach and probably sighed a little to indicate what a chore this would be, because this was six months ago and I hadn't read Marcella's internal bikini post, and Jim responded with something man-like such as “you should let me be the judge of that.”

I went to Dillard's and they had a bewildering array of suits that spanned half a mile-ish of floor space and it was here that I discovered fashion designers had created something called the tankini, which is a fuller-coverage compromise between a one- and two-piece suit. And I liked it. So I scooped up an assortment of makes and models in various colors and dangly-bead embellished doo-dadiness and headed to the fitting room.

I tried on one and had the bright idea that I should take a picture with my cell phone and send it to Jim, since he wanted to be the judge after all, ha ha, not that it's easy to take a picture of oneself in a bathing suit holding a cell phone at arm's length. You have to settle on one half or the other and you can guess which half I chose.

Do you have any idea how bloody loud the click-swoosh noise is on a cell phone camera?  I didn't.

The soft murmurs in the adjoining fitting rooms grew stone quiet.

The picture was terrible, all fuzzy and grainy, but fuck me I was not taking another. I quickly sent it to Jim and set my phone to silent so that when the response came back, enthusiastic or otherwise, no one else would be alerted, and slipped the phone in my purse. I tried on the rest of the suits then sat in the room for a good ten minutes until I was reasonably sure the other clothes-changers had cleared out.

I walked out, handed my suits minus the two I was buying to the attendant, who eyed me curiously, and made my purchases.

Anyway, I thought I'd share this little gem because it was so funny I'd hate for my stats to go down over the weekend.



What do you think Statcounter, does this make me look fat?



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17 comments:

  1. I hate phones too but I love drivel.

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  2. wow, looks like you're getting some t'nite :) (Mr.xmas?...)
    - ok, I installed flag thingy and I now have that flaggin'disease you were talking about in a previous post - Nepal? you got someone from NEPAL?

    Hahaha :0 - wonder what they were thinking you were doing in that change room...

    You deserve the award - bask and enjoy your weekend Kristen!

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  3. Haha! Your internal and external bikinis (tankinis) look fabulous!
    Congratulations on your award!
    Thank you for commented at my blog so that now I've found my long lost twin. :-)

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  4. Makes you wonder how people shamelessly have sex in change rooms.

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  5. When I worked in retail a hundred years ago a salesgirl walked in on a man who was, um, pleasuring himeself in the changing room. A security guard was sent in to dispatch him. We had customer feedback cards in the dressing rooms and afterwards I went in to see if he had filled one out. I imagine he wasn't satisfied.

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  6. So.. You didn't go to Lady Bay Beach while in Sydney. I'm sure you would have been spectacular!

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  7. Well hello there girlies. Love it, K.

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  8. How about 'claptrap' to replace 'drivel'

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  9. Sorry John, there are some places the sun isn't meant to shine and that would include my palest parts.

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  10. Hmm, an internal bikini you say. I could go for that, I could hide it under the rolls of fat.

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  11. hey -nice blog reno! Love the Pic - it really looks fabulous.

    Can you tell me what format you chose? I am not going to copy EVERYTHING...just the width - I find mine too narrow with too much space on either side....

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  12. I admit it. While reading your response to my comment here, I noticed, purely by chance, the word “boobs” on your tag list. As men do, I stopped to have a look. Have you noticed that your boobs come in pairs? Other readers who don’t understand will have to visit and check out your boobs themselves. UM... I think I feel a blog story coming on.

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  13. I hadn't noticed. I blame my widget.

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  14. I've tried to paste the damn quote but alas!!! However, kbxmas, from "... customer feedback cards [t] ... imagine he wasn't satisfied." is SO HILARIOUS I cannnot, cannot!, stop laughing. Really wish you lived next door. I'd pester from morning til night. Not to mention the entire "Letting It All Hang Out" blolumn. You? So smart. And funny. I heart.

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  15. Susan, who are you? where do you live? Maybe I want to live next door! Thanks for the compliments. I love those.

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  16. Unless the guy WANTED to be found by a security guard... I'm just sayin'

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Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

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