Tuesday, March 2, 2010

I wish I smoked

If I smoked I would have something to do with my hands while I was sitting in a restaurant or bar. And when there was a lull in the conversation and people turned and looked at me and I was at a total loss for something clever to say, I could just slowly inhale on my cigarette. And if someone said something boneheaded, and someone always does, I could turn away and exhale a slow plume of smoke, dismissively.

Sometimes when I'm driving in the car and the music is turned up and the wind is in my hair I just want something to put in my mouth. A diet coke is okay, for awhile, but only so satisfying.*

When I was younger I used to take my friend's cigarettes and put them in my mouth and check myself out in the mirror. I never looked sultry. Just ludicrous. Alas, I don't have a smoking face.

That's probably just as well. Because if I smoked it would rot my lungs and make my clothes stink and when I stood outside hunkered under eaves in the rain I would have to put up with dismissive looks from people like me.


*No, not that either, don't be ridiculous.


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25 comments:

  1. so do I - so french cafe, so expressive, so reflective...and deadly. shit.

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  2. Exactly! I need a prop. I just need a really beautiful, expressive prop (that I can put in my mouth).

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  3. I used to smoke. A long time ago. Never really enjoyed though. Plus, like you I too don't have a smoking face. Sigh.

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  4. What was that lollypop the Kojak character on the old TV show used to help him quit?

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  5. I don't smoke...but sure wish I lived in Marlboro Country...
    http://catchingmysecondwind.blogspot.com/2010/01/marlboro-country.html

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  6. A week in Vienna and you will cure you of the desire ever to have a cigarette. You will of course have to have your lungs dry cleaned and throw away all your clothes - but it will be worth it.

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  7. Sometimes I wish I smoked, for the 5 minutes peace it would give me, alone outside.

    I don't wish it enough to actually take up smoking though.

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  8. Yeah - but then you get a mouth like a cat's bum.

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  9. How about a pipe? Put flaked up licorice & chocolate in it instead of tobacco and no body could complain.

    To dismiss people, you simply take a deep confectionery drag on the pipe whilst shaking your head.

    To seduce, you er play with it a bit (I'm not very good at seduction).

    To pause and thing of something to say, you take several drags with your eyes closed in a thinking pose.

    It could make you look more intelligent I reckon.

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  10. I do... and I shouldn't... but it stops me from eating so much crap... bad excuse I know. >_<

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  11. BAAAHHAAAA! A cat's bum! freefalling said it best. That should take care of any lingering thoughts you may have about smoking!

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  12. AND you should know that the word I got in your comment moderation for that last comment about cat's bums was ... PURREAL. Seriously. Which, obviously I am going to say the next time anyone says anything about cats.
    Them: Oh, well my cat is potty trained...
    ME: Purreal?
    Awesome.

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  13. Mr Xmas, maybe that why I got you those chocolate cigars for Valentine's Day.

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  14. Glen, pipes only work for men. It's possibly to dismiss someone with just a diet coke. To seduce, no props necessary.

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  15. I posted about being an on-off again smoker all my life. I have given up giving up, each time I do I put on 10kgs immediately, which is why in the last 11 years I have gone from 76kgs to a massive 115kgs.

    AV

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  16. Kristin - I get so confused when you comment on my blog. And aren't you supposed to be baking a cake?

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  17. I wish I smoked too. But I quit. I really liked smoking. I wish there were no consequences or I would smoke a lot.

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  18. Nah, I don't miss smoking at all any more.

    Okay, maybe just a liiiitttle.....

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  19. I was as heavy a smoker as you can get, and after years of abusing my lungs my body began to tell me it was time to stop, and I did. Believe me you are better wanting to find something to do with your hands than take up smoking.

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  20. kbxmas, off topic... do you remember in your original post about being a flag hussy, you posted a flag unknown to me from Mayote? I don't believe it, I got a Mayote flag yesterday on Life. I see your tally is creeping up too.

    *does small dance of glee*

    AV

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  21. OK now I miss smoking, except for the smell of my clothes, the tightness of my chest, but other than that...yeah, miss it. Probably always will.

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  22. Hi Donald, nice to see a new face! And AV, am seriously green. Must go ogle.

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  23. Why is it easier to stop smoking to save the life of another person than your own?

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  24. I used to love smoking (apart from all the downsides that everyone else has already mentioned).

    Maybe you could just use an empty cigarette holder? You'd puzzle people with the enigma that an empty cigarette holder is, plus you'd look v sophisticated.

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