Thursday, March 4, 2010

A little something off my chest

To the cheerful young man behind the espresso counter at Dean & Deluca this morning. When I order an almond croissant and I drive to the office anticipating the taste of an almond croissant and I get to my desk and open my bag, I expect to find inside an almond croissant, not an odd looking pastry filled with apples and cream cheese. I don't like pastries filled with apples and cream cheese.

To whomever compiles the YMCA newsletter that comes home with my daughter, when you were looking for a recipe to put in your Healthy Hints column, was it in all seriousness that you chose Bacon Ranch Cheese Ball?

To the person who flamed my blog yesterday (yes I turned off comment moderation, I can't be arsed). Three things:

1)How daring of you to post comments anonymously.
2)Why do you people always pick on my commenters? I'm much more offensive, truly.
3)The rest of you cover your ears while I yell the following: Do you not get understatment you literal-minded simpleton!
4)Thanks for the Canadian flag.

That last one was a freebie. I'm feeling generous tonight.

To my exceptionally tolerant boss. Firstly, thank you for your sense of humor. You'll never know how much I appreciate working with people who can make me aspirate popcorn. However, while I understand how very much you would like me to have the books closed before I leave town Saturday morning for this stimulating database training, and while I realize you understand that we were all a little busy last week seeing as we had 28 grants due at the end of the week (all of which required a budget from me), I'm not sure I'm fully on board with your suggestion that I use my found time on the airplane to work on the books. You see, four hours of time alone is like a gift from heaven for me and I have this new book in which I'm dying to lose myself. Finally, thank you for never reading my blog.

To the wineries in Napa and the suite at the Bodega Bay Lodge and Spa with the fireplace and the balcony overlooking the ocean, I am all yours from Saturday noon until database hell training begins Tuesday morning. You lovely, lovely beasts.


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13 comments:

  1. I might just steal this idea I reckon. I have many many things to get off my chest.

    Number 1, Maintenance man at work, aka laziest fucker in the world. Would it kill you keep the toilet paper in the girls toilets refreshed? And that's just the beginning.

    Have a sip or two for me :)

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  2. What?! You have your own troll now?! You have definitely arrived, baby. Just saying. Haha.

    Happy Friday KB. Mwahs.

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  3. I'm pretty sure that what passes for hysterically funny at work wouldn't travel well. How funny are budgets, grants and grant reviews outside of a VERY small world...like your math t-shirt.

    Almond croissants are delish.

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  4. bacon ranch cheese balls are delish

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  5. You got flamed? DUDE, you've totally made it now. You know you're a real blogger when you get trolled.

    Send all your cream cheese and apple thingies my way. I like apple things.

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  6. Gasp - you get to leave the chilly midwest??!! Oh honey, welcome to our beautiful never-sure-what's-next weather and coastal wonders. Bodega Bay is a sweet spot, especially if you like oysters. And the hills are abloom in verdant jade green so be sure to bring ze sexy sunglasses. Bon voyage! (and omg - 28 grants? you need drinks for sure).

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  7. When I saw the heading I thought we might see you without the Australian flag - then I saw the last line - 'you lovely, lovely beasts' - and my heart skipped a beat. Oh well. Have a lovely time in CA.

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  8. Kristin - thanks for giving me a laugh before I start my day - hmm, guess that would be at the expense of your suffering...Almond Croissant are da bomb! pardon my blog-naive mind, but what is getting flamed or trolled? obviously this hasn't happened to me yet...

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  9. I'm with you Marci - KB? except for Almonds which are not at all as nice as apples & cream cheese!

    I just had another look at yesterdays blog - I suppose you deleted the comment?

    enjoy your 'break' :-) now I just need to go back to my bacon ranch cheese ball & pizza diet - no idea why i can't seem to shift the weight!

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  10. No no, you're all looking in the wrong place. It was the shitty mothers post (mostly) and the comments have been removed (mostly) and sorry Badger, this is a Scientology-friendly blog. And trolls are nasty people and flames are nasty comments and yes I have arrived, I will take my seat now at the big kids table.

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  11. ....Oh crap, I'll be calling on you when I piss someone off... People are so lame...if they don't like what they see don't read...and frankly negative commenting is a sign of insecurity. Really, it is. ps I love that you can swear online...I'm like a 12 year old hoping my mother doesn't see.

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  12. I'm so late to this, is there any point in me commenting? No, I thought not.

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