Monday, May 10, 2010

Letters I never sent

Claire Marie at Spontaneous Delight started a meme in which you compose letters to inanimate objects, clever girl.  I rather liked it, so I’m taking part. Most of mine ended up being to body parts, which was unintentional, but I’m going with it.

Dear Sarah Palin*,

I’m so pleased you haven’t given up on your policy of offshore drilling in light of the devastating oil spill off the Gulf coast. It’s just a shame we can’t use your brain to help clean up this mess, seeing as it lacks the ability to actually absorb anything. (*Yes, counts as an inanimate object.)

Dear breasts,

When I said I wanted to lose weight, I didn’t mean there and there. I meant down there. And back there.

Dear ass,

Yes, now we’re talking.


So, uh, who actually paid for the trip? Rev. Rekers or Focus on the Family? Or was it NARTH (National Association for Research & Therapy of Homosexuality)? Just curious.

Dear UK election process,

I’m so confused.

Dear male parts of the world,

Have you heard the news? Your concave counterparts no longer have the corner on the glitterature market. Penazzling now available. I kid you not. Yeah, I didn’t think it was a good idea either. Plain, no sprinkles, thank you very much.

Dear Arizona,

I’m having a party this weekend! Would you like to come? All the fun states are going to be there. Oh, one thing. My friends and I reserve the right at any time to check your license to make sure you’re legal, your pockets for receipts to see how much you spent on that bottle of wine, your wallet to see if you’re carrying a condom (cheeky bastard) and how much cash you have on you (in case we’re short), and your pants for the size of your penis; also to ensure you have an American flag tattooed on your ass. Thanks and hope to see you there!

So. What about you? Are you going to join the meme fun?

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  1. Love love love. You are so funny.

    "Plain, no sprinkles..." Hahaha.

    Sorry to be picky, but you did get my name backwards! A common mistake when you have an evil twin that just happens to be a popular women's magazine. ;)

    Thanks for playing along, I love it!!

  2. What a great idea! Love the part about the English Parliament - it confuses me too.

  3. OMFG YES. I will be logging in and using precious system resources (this computer seems to hate Blogger,) specifically for this meme. And then I will be posting different versions of it to my facebook and livejournal, each.

  4. Claire Marie - so sorry!! Have edited the post.

  5. So hysterical! (Yes, Sarah Palin's brain is an inanimate object.)

  6. I'm gonna buy stock in depends seeng as how I keep pissing myself (while laughing...I swear) when I read your posts.

  7. The best? Sara Palin's brain! You betcha!

  8. Talk to the ass cos the breasts aint listening?

  9. YOUR confused?? Think about us lot!

  10. Oh I love it. I'm in. Maybe in a week or so, once I publish my back log of drafts...

    *snort* plain, no sprinkles. Don't be so boring ;)

  11. Dear Blog universe,
    thanks for sending me the brilliance that is Wanderlust!!

    Best regards


  12. *giggle*

    I don't know if I have enough brain of my own right now to do this, but I will if I can find some more.

    (So. Tired.)

  13. I'm English and I haven't got a clue what's going on. I wonder if I could convince the husb to get pedazzled though - that would take my mind off politics.

  14. @Barbara, trying not to make a comment about a, um, hung parliament...

  15. love it - you are, in the words of the eighties, those old words of yore when we wore horrific pastels and neon brights...together...

    A riot.

    I will try - thanks Marie Claire and Kristin !

  16. Thanks again, Kirsten. Good read and now through you I've discovered a good new blog to follow. Checked out C Bellabell and am now following that too.
    Feel free to go read my silly letters.

  17. Loved it!!! So funny!!... got to get going on my letter writing ...

    By the way I have something on my blog for you...

  18. " No sprinkles?? You still want it cream filled though, right?"
    (what my hubz said as he read 'plain,no sprinkles' over my shoulder)
    He's grounded.

  19. I love this idea. Count me in. I'm still giggling at your Sarah Palin's brain joke.


Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!


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