Monday, June 14, 2010

Don’t Judge Me

The other day Jim came home and said he had stopped by the Sprint store to get the new EVO but they were sold out. He was very disappointed as the EVO is supposed to put the iPhone to shame, or so they say, iHave no idea, iDon’t read the reviews.

I reminded him that the mediation contract we just signed says that neither of us will make any significant purchases until our settlement is final. He raised a sad eyebrow. I further reminded him that I myself had gallantly refrained from making any gratuitous purchases at, say, Alright, he said, he didn't want to cause any strife.

But for the next couple of days he looked so forlorn. He would stare wistfully at EVO ads and phrases like 4G and 8-megapixel-dual-camera would escape his lips. Finally, I suggested that perhaps he should just go out and get one. And that I should get one too. Just to be fair.

Which is how I ended up in the Sprint store 4 days later. The saleslady ran through the list of applications that came on the phone. She showed me how I could synch my email up with different social media sites and then shot quickly through about twelve different screens and twice as many buttons and said, “There, do you have any questions?”

“Yes,” I said, “how do I turn it on and off?”

She pointed to a button on the top.

“And if it rings, how do I answer it?”

I saw a look of concern cross her face. Or perhaps it was pity. Or barely concealed contempt.

So after weeks of ranting on my blog and Facebook about how our plastic-centric consumer-obsessed society is driving our planet to the edge of extinction I drove home with a new hot pink Sprint EVO.

I know. I don't understand it either.

When I got home Jim excitedly showed me how I could download all kinds of free applications. There was a Sky Map app that allowed you to hold the device up to the sky and the GPS would recognize what it was looking at and show you a map of the constellations, planets, grid lines, etc. in that portion of the sky; there was a bar code scanner app that would identify an item and tell you where you could find it for the best price (he demonstrated this by scanning the bar code on one of my books and voila! his EVO told us what book it was where it could be purchased for $14.95); there was even an app that fed chicken korma to starving children in India. I think. Maybe. I was starting to get overwhelmed at this point.

I downloaded Mahjongg.

I then decided to go to the store because we were out of milk. I asked Jim if he wanted me to get anything else. He said he had already used the bar code feature to start a grocery list in his EVO and he could text the list to my EVO! He sent me the list. I opened it up on my EVO. It said “milk”.

When I got back he told me that I could download a Blogger app for my EVO. I was intrigued. He explained how to do it. I asked him if he would just do it for me. He took my EVO and pressed a bunch of buttons and now I can read and comment on blogs. I read a post on Lori's blog about how she got a new cell phone that wasn't an iPhone (god dammit) but still was not too bad. I left a comment letting her know I was commenting with my new Sprint EVO. It took me half an hour.

The next morning the kids were playing on the Wii and I was playing Mahjongg and Jim said I should get on the Wii because it had been ages and I'd probably lost a lot of weight. I said I hated the Wii. He said no really, you should do it. So I got on the Wii and it said, “Hello Kristin, it's been six bazillion days since you were last here and you've lost 12 pounds.” So I stepped off and he told me I should do the hula hoop. I said I hated the hula hoop. He said no really, you should do the hula hoop. So I got on the Wii board and did it and when I was done I realized that he had used his Sprint EVO to videotape me doing the hula hoop in my nightie.

So I've had a Sprint EVO now for 48 hours and I still don't know what the fuck to do with it. I can read blogs and play Mahjongg. No one has called me so I haven't had to answer it. Mostly I'm intimidated and a little stressed. I'm trying to find an app that will bring me a glass of wine and massage my shoulders. And maybe one that vibrates.

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  1. No judgement here - but I want a phone to just be a phone - no camera, no apps, just it rings - I answer. However, I am lusting after an iPhone - why? I don't have an answer to that. I am also lusting after and iPad. I am sure you will come to love it really soon.

    Now on another matter - is Jim going to be posting that cute video of you in your nightie somewhere?

    Oh and well done on 12 lbs lost.

  2. LOL That's the worst part about a new phone, having to work out how to use it, especially if it's a different brand. My last phone was a touch screen and when ever I borrowed someone elses phone I would find myself furiously tapping on the screen wondering why it won't work before realising it's a slider!

    EVO sounds interesting, I want a new phone but but really not sure if I want to go the iphone way, might have to check out the EVO!

  3. There is a vibrator app. *ahem* I hear...
    And I can do almost anything on my phone now...except make and answer calls. I really have to think about the steps involved. Its not just dial and send anymore and I hate that!

  4. oh hell! I was just about to finally get an iphone and now you do this to me. That barcode thing sounds cooooool.

  5. Hmmm. If that thing has the vibrate app, let me know. Maybe it's time for me to upgrade too...

  6. I panic everytime my cell phone rings (I have an un-iPhone, it's an LG cordy something), I only have 3 rings to answer it, cause, I have no idea how to check my voice mail. Usually, it takes me 1 ring to actually identify that my phone is ringing, then I frantically search for it in my purse during ring 2. Ring 3 and I have pulled that sucker out, and I look like a crazed woman who has just pulled a live salmon out of her bag, while involuntarily exclaiming "Oh! Oh! Oh!" On a good day, I manage to catch the call. My husband's favourite game is to call me while I'm out to see if I actually manage to answer it. I think text messaging was invented especially for me!
    Enjoy your new phone!

  7. Makes me want a new phone. Also maybe a new vibrator. But not in the same casing, thanks.

  8. @ Kakka - hell and no. Have you ever seen someone do the hula hoop on the Wii? It's like soft porn.

  9. @ IRL - yeah, that's me too. I don't even try answer my phone anymore. Now that you mention it -- no idea how to get into voicemail on the EVO...

  10. Really?! It's better than the iPhone. I refuse to believe you. I need proof. Heh.

  11. Bwaaaaa haaaaa haaaaaaaaa!

    MPS set up my ipod touch to do a bazillion things. I can't work out how to charge the mofo.

    My phone takes photos and I worked out how to change the ringtone and use the alarm... I have no idea about all the other shizzle.

  12. Husband "doing" hula hoop wii.

  13. This re-inforces the feeling I have had lately that we are Aliens because I had never heard of an EVO and now I am lusting after this technology. Surely this must be an ancient memory from a distant (and probably dead) planet.

  14. Oooh see I like the sound of that!
    I'm one of those people that loves gadgets.
    Like my iPhone... I've got games on there for Zack to play when we're on the bus into town. That 40 min journey is much easier when he's got something to occupy himself with! ;)

  15. Oh Jim..... so something I would do. You might be my long lost brother.

  16. @ Freefalling - hahaha!!! Love it!! Yeah, maybe I should post a still and not the video. Then again, maybe not. The nightgown barely covers my ass.

  17. Will the hula hoop nightie thing be on youtube before or after the final settlement?

  18. @ Badger, too early to say who will get custody.

  19. Well, hell, I thought EVO was Extra virgin olive oil (without the extra "O"). Yeah. So I'm up with the times. I've heard of the iPhone, of course, since my niece works for Apple, and my sister AND brother both have iPhones. I want one. Badly. Every time a new app comes out that we could use, I'll say to hubby, "Now SEE! How great would THAT be!"

    You doing the hula hoop on Wii in your nightie wouldn't be the first youtube video, I'm afraid. But I think it's grounds for divorce for hubby taping you.

    Well, I'm jealous with a capital "J". Don't worry, you'll get the hang of it. And if there's an app for massages, wine and vibration, I am SO there. My husband be damned!

  20. I despair -- I'll swap you my Nokia 6300 !!

  21. Hooray for new technology!
    I've given my wii the cold shoulder since it cried when I stepped on the board. Congrats on the 12 pounds you lost. Its on my obliques if you are looking for it. I stole your button. Its on my blog if you are looking for it.

  22. No, I totally get it. I am awful with this stuff--you should have seen me with my sister's WiFi hookups. Open-mouthed, staring in shock as she scrolled through her iPod. And then while she used it as a GPS the whole time I'm going, "But I thought that was just for music."

    Still don't get it.

  23. Well, at least it's hot pink. I'm sure you'll get it vibrating soon.

  24. i've also asked how do i answer a call on a phone i was buying. it was the cheapest phone metro pcs puts out. the sales dude had had enough of me. i know that look of contempt. all too well.

  25. When I got my iPhone, Hubby kept saying why don't you call me back when I leave a message? Um.... because it's all scary and confusing and I DON'T KNOW HOW!
    Anyway, I was too busy tweeting, and facebooking, and blogging on it to answer phone calls!
    But now I am one with the iPhone, & I'm with Brenda, I just don't believe it's better than an iphone... I may be just a tiny bit one eyed about it though!

  26. @ Nomie - I don't necessarily believe it either. Ima just repeating what I've been told. And 24 hours later... I'm starting to feel some of that oneness. Not bad, eh?

  27. HA! I laughed out loud at your single-word shopping list.

    I'm like you, honey. My husband gets all these neato gadget things that can do all kids of shit (but they don't fold the laundry, I notice) and I am a poor audience as he shows them off, 'cause I have no idea. None. For me? A phone rings. I answer it. I call someone else using my phone; I have NO IDEA what is happening at their end, and so long as they answer, I don't care. I send sms's and feel pretty damn good about that. I have a calendar of my meetings. That's it.

    I just wish my phone was hot pink. FAB!

  28. iPhone has a vibrating app surely yours does too. Ask hubby for that one. HA!

  29. Brilliant! I occasionally lust after Neils iPhone but when he gets up in the morning and spends half an hour in the loo with it I think meh - I only get 30 uninterrupted seconds - wtf could I do in the loo with an iPhone in 30 seconds? Huh? Whu? It vibrates? Duh.

  30. We are the pink phone twins!!

    I actually feel much better, knowing that comment took you half an hour to write. I was feeling more than a bit intimidated, seeing as typing a text message on my new phone takes the better part of a cup of coffee.


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