So. Today was Anna's second dentist appointment. You remember how the first one went, right? Well, fortunately, she didn't seem to. She went willingly to the appointment, though when she climbed into the examination chair I could see a look of recognition flash in her eyes. As soon as they brought the mask down over her face she began to panic. It was that quick.
I immediately crawled over and sat beside her. It went downhill fast. From the moment they began to work on her she started to cry and then scream. She fought. I held her down. She fought harder. She tried to squirm away from me and fought to free her arms. She kicked at me. I asked one of the assistants to help me restrain her, but she was busy. She needed to prepare equipment for the doctor so he could get through the procedure as quickly as possible.
About 15 minutes into it my arms were beginning to tire. I wasn't sure I could continue to hold her down. She only weighs 55 pounds but it was like holding down a wild animal. I put my head down upon her chest and I could feel her heart beating violently against my cheek. I heard a high pitched noise and couldn't tell if it was the drill or her scream. They sounded the same. She was crying out “No” and “Help, help!” I told her it would be okay, that it would be over soon. She continued to scream.
A riot of feelings slamming against each other in my heart. Grief, horror, exhaustion, compassion for her distress, guilt that I was a party to her confinement. And admiration. That she did not submit gracefully to her imprisonment. Fight baby, don't go quietly before the muzzle of life's injustices.
When it was over they raised the chair up and I pulled her into my lap. I cradled her as she sobbed. I felt her tears warm on my forearm. Mine fell into her hair and glistened briefly before getting lost in the tangled mess it had become. She had brushed her hair this morning and had smiled when I told her it looked nice. I smoothed it back down.
After a while I felt her breathing relax and I carried her out to the car. We rode home in silence, both of us physically and emotionally spent, her staring out the window, me just staring straight ahead.
I talked to her dad and we were wondering if they can put her all the way under the next time they work on her. But then I know there are risks associated with that. It wouldn't be worth putting her at unnecessary risk. But I'm not sure I can do this again.
I immediately crawled over and sat beside her. It went downhill fast. From the moment they began to work on her she started to cry and then scream. She fought. I held her down. She fought harder. She tried to squirm away from me and fought to free her arms. She kicked at me. I asked one of the assistants to help me restrain her, but she was busy. She needed to prepare equipment for the doctor so he could get through the procedure as quickly as possible.
About 15 minutes into it my arms were beginning to tire. I wasn't sure I could continue to hold her down. She only weighs 55 pounds but it was like holding down a wild animal. I put my head down upon her chest and I could feel her heart beating violently against my cheek. I heard a high pitched noise and couldn't tell if it was the drill or her scream. They sounded the same. She was crying out “No” and “Help, help!” I told her it would be okay, that it would be over soon. She continued to scream.
A riot of feelings slamming against each other in my heart. Grief, horror, exhaustion, compassion for her distress, guilt that I was a party to her confinement. And admiration. That she did not submit gracefully to her imprisonment. Fight baby, don't go quietly before the muzzle of life's injustices.
When it was over they raised the chair up and I pulled her into my lap. I cradled her as she sobbed. I felt her tears warm on my forearm. Mine fell into her hair and glistened briefly before getting lost in the tangled mess it had become. She had brushed her hair this morning and had smiled when I told her it looked nice. I smoothed it back down.
After a while I felt her breathing relax and I carried her out to the car. We rode home in silence, both of us physically and emotionally spent, her staring out the window, me just staring straight ahead.
I talked to her dad and we were wondering if they can put her all the way under the next time they work on her. But then I know there are risks associated with that. It wouldn't be worth putting her at unnecessary risk. But I'm not sure I can do this again.
Hugs - the hardest thing as a parent is to be strong during these times. It rips your heart out but you know that it is ultimately the best for your child. As a person who has a phobia of dentists, I would consider putting her under next time. Maybe twilight sleep.
ReplyDeleteI really wish I could give you a proper hug, as my heart is aching that you had to go through that. xxx
Holy cow, that was hard to read.
ReplyDeleteI cannot stand going to the dentist. An unnatural fear. Cannot fathom watching one of my kids go through it. Pure and simple can't imagine it. I haven't had so much as a tooth clean without happy gas.
Hope the next visit is much less draining. Biggest hugs xx
oh that poor little dot! Reading it was awful but seeing her little face -- poor baby. And you! Can't offer any advice here, you're caught between a rock and a hard place.
ReplyDelete*HUGS*
ReplyDeleteI wish that I had some helpful advice. How many more appointments does she have?
How horrible! How many more appointments does she have?
ReplyDeleteOur 5 year old is amazing at dentist and doctor. She evens likes shots and blood.
ReplyDeleteThe 6 year old and 14 year old are freaky scared. Like what you experienced. We are not fans of medicine in our house, not weird Christian Sciencists or anything, but sedation is not something we encourage unless it's out golden retriever who freaks during thunderstorms...he gets the pills.
Anyway, before each trip, and our teenager just had extensive dental work, we talk about it, act like football players in the locker room before kickoff, and get ourselves pumped up for the visit. My teenager still cried a bit and acted axious but she's learning what the reality is. Hopefully things will get better for you and your daughter.
Poor little poppet, and poor Mama. I have no advice for you, but I could always shank the dentist if you like?
ReplyDeleteDarling, you know my background working with kids in hospitals and clinics. With absolutely no medical training, but plenty in distress and compassion, for you and her, consider putting her under. Yep, there are risks- but maybe weigh them up against the emotional distress for all involved... How many more does she have to go, poor poppet?
ReplyDeleteAs a dental assistant i would recommand you to put her under and get it all done in one shot, we have a lot of adult patients whose teeth are rotten literally but we basically have to give them 2-3 Ativan just to have them sit in the dental chair for 5 mins and that's all due childhood experiences such as Anne's. You don't want her to have such phobia, that will effect in her adulthood and continue for the rest of her life.
ReplyDeleteI would recommand you to really research and find a great pedi dental office with super friendly and patient staff.
Oh jesus christ! I also agree with those who suggest a general. How very traumatic for you both. I am always one for making it easier on everyone. Give her a hug from her Aunty Woog.xo
ReplyDeleteHugs to you and your darling girl. I'm with Lori. Yes there are risks, but considered and careful risks. I have a still frightening memory from the dentist as a child. Only a small memory, before the sedation took hold, but a memory all the same. My son had to have dental surgery and he was under a general. All he remembers is watching a DVD and getting a teddy. Granted it was a one of thing, but I'd definitely discuss it with the dentist.
ReplyDeleteThanks for the advice and the virtual hugs. I'm not sure how much more work she will need. She is done for the time being (lower teeth), but will need additional work in the future on her upper teeth.
ReplyDeleteWe're going to take a break for a bit as they've done the worst teeth. But all her adult teeth are soft and this will probably be an ongoing issue. Even annual cleanings will be traumatic after this, I fear. She's always been hyper-sensitive to pain or even touch. Things that don't bother other kids will get to her. Sigh...
Oh, Kristin. I'm with the others on the anaesthetic. There are differing degrees of anaesthesia, some where they have you barely under, which is what they often did when I scanned kids, then there's heavier GA options. I don't know what options are available for dental work, but I think it would be worth looking into.
ReplyDeleteI had a bit of work done when I was a child. Five teeth out, four in one session. Given I work in a medical field, I can front up for almost anything, as long as it does not involve sitting in a dentist's chair. I avoid the dentist for as along as possible, despite the possible damage to my gnashers. I"d have a GA every time if I could, but when it comes down to it, I just get whatever done and have a stiff drink or three afterward!
Poor baby and poor you! I also reckon a general would be the best thing, if not for her, then for your sanity.
ReplyDeleteMaybe I should just have them give me a general!
ReplyDeleteOh poor baby!
ReplyDeleteWow, I can really feel her pain. Poor girl.
ReplyDeleteOhhh, Kristin, I was wincing reading this, and feeling the pain both of you went through. I'm a dental wuss myself, not from any childhood experience (we had NO cavities as youngsters), but have had a lifelong aversion to needles.
ReplyDeleteHaving just been through boyo's first surgical experience earlier this year, I can totally empathise with the internal, AND physical, struggle you experienced. When it came time to take his stitches out, boyo screamed full-throated blue murder right the way through and I had to hold him down...it was terrible and heart-breaking.
I understand your hesitation to do the full anaesthetic - I'm the same - but under the circumstances...? Better than a lifelong phobia, as Butterfly and Nomie suggest. More big cyberhugs xx
Yes, I think you all have just about convinced me to go with deeper sedation. I'm going to look into it for next time. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteWonder if they offer a mother/daughter package deal... :-P
Oh poor baby..... :-( SO sad.... You are a brave girl Anna doll.... Hugs xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteOh, poor babies (both of you). That is just horrible to have to go through. I'd be signing up for the heavier sedation myself, too.
ReplyDeleteOH god darling, i am there with you, and i just want to cry. Sometimes what you know is best screams and beats against your maternal instinct. How can that be?
ReplyDeleteM2M
Ahhh Kristin, dear dear dear, what an awful thing for you both to go through :( I do not look forward to any time I have to do that with my girl.
ReplyDeleteI do connect with you, though, on that admiration about her fight. When they gave Ella the drug to send her off to sleep while they worked on her (on what would be the final time before she slipped away peacefully, mind you), I loved that her little fist punched out at the nurse who was inflicting the needle, fought back even as the woman was saying to me that this "calms them down pretty quickly"... they had to give her a 2nd dose as it turned out ;)
Ouch ouch ouch. Poor babies. The panic and the pain :( I feel for you tremendously.
Heart-breaking and utterly traumatizing - you both must be so exhausted. I was about 3 yo or so when the evil dentist got ahold of me, promised to put me in his big black book of bad children (what an ass) and so I HATED dentists for years, irrationally so, freakishly fearful and tearful. So, yup, I'm in the GA camp for intensive work. Not impressed with their lack of help when you really needed it.
ReplyDeleteThat was hard to read. My heart goes out to you and Anna. It's distressing to see your child in pain and crying. Sending out hugs to both of you.
ReplyDeletethe 21st century and dentists still put kids through that? It doesn't seem right? I'm not sure I could have done it the first time let alone the second. You're a brave, strong woman.
ReplyDeleteMate, that photo breaks my heart. Nothing worse than being unable to help your child.
ReplyDeleteSam has been under three times now. Once for a hernia, twice for surgery on his broken arm.
All times, fine.
Big hugs across the ocean xxx
Yes that photo pulled at the old heart strings
ReplyDeleteBoth of you deserve a nice calm joyful weekend after all that- so I'm wishing you one!
My little boy is a lot younger but he too seems hyper-sensitive to touch and pain....It's a hard one, wish I could offer better advice!
Eeek. It's such a war isn't it. Feeling like they are seeing you as part of their suffering, when really you're only doing this because it's what is best for their health.
ReplyDeleteMaybe having some talks with her about what happened, and why it is needed may help?
Totally agree. Just put her under, K. The emotional distress is too much for you and the munchkin.xxxx
ReplyDelete(((((hugs)))))
ReplyDelete@ Kirrily - oh, so sad about your baby Ella. They are so much more present than we give them credit for I think.
ReplyDelete@ Susan - that's what I want to avoid in the future! Why I want to go for heavier sedation next time.
@ Steve - they tell me she won't remember it, and her memory is foggy, but as soon as she walked in their office it's like it all came flooding back. And I have to believe that this is leaving an imprint at some level. The memory is still there, in her body, if not in her conscious mind.
Park Life - Interesting about the hyper-sensitivity. I even have to buy her shoes a size larger because she doesn't like them rubbing against her feet! Even seams and tags in clothing bother her. When she went for her first exam she told me she didn't like the dentist's fingers in her mouth. So caps and fillings... you can imagine.
ReplyDelete@ xoxJ - the guilt over holding her down seems to be all mine. As soon as it was over she just clung to me. Children are so forgiving. And I'm hesitant to talk to her about the procedure given her fuzzy memory. I don't want to reinforce any fear.
@ Everyone - thanks for the support and hugs! xx
That is such a sad but beautiful photo of Anna. I do feel for you both as I am still terrified of the dentist. When my son was small I would take him to my appointments so that I had to be brave! I think it is worth asking about putting her out. Maybe they would be able to do more work each time so reduce the visits needed. Hugs to you both!
ReplyDeleteYikes! Kristin, such a hard one... I'd never suggest a general unless it was absolutely necessary. Sometimes we've just gotta go through the rough stuff. But this sounds like a phobia developing for both of you and frankly, that would have more risks for your darling daughter than a general, don't you think? Being happy to keep your teeth happy all your life is worth its weight in gold, me thinks. Go the general.
ReplyDeleteOh you poor things. I used to work for a health insurance company that had dental centres; they had something called twilight sedation. I don't remember if they used it for children as well as adults, but the idea is to anaesthetise the patient enough so that they aren't fully aware of what's going on, without giving them a full general anaesthetic. Worth asking about maybe?
ReplyDelete@ Tenille - I think twilight sleep is what I had when I had my wisdom teeth out.
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure what they'll be okay with. I just need to talk with them and see what our options are. It seems there has to be another alternative.
Thanks everyone for your support. Ah, the joys of parenting!
Poor little sweetheart :(
ReplyDeleteOh, man, there is nothing worse than being with your child when they are scared and/or suffering! Can they do laughing gas? I remember when I was little they would give me laughing gas whenever I was worked on at the dentist. That always helped!
ReplyDelete