Friday, July 9, 2010

The Lusty Awards

Because it's Friday where you are and it's the middle of the night where I am and I've stayed up way too late watching naked rugby and basically jacking around on the computer, I thought what the hey, let's give out some awards.  So here we go.  Sit down, strap in, grab a tall one, I'm presenting...


The Lusty Awards


World's Best Metaphor Award goes to Mrs Woog. Poor Woog is a bit under the weather and reported yesterday that her throat feels as if she’s been performing fellatio on a cactus. Way to go, Einstein. Next time try a handjob.


The Prolonged Silence in a Foreign Country Award goes to Badger at Vienna for Dummies who, after resting up from his trip to Lebanon (where, I might add, he managed to post regularly), flew off to Australia and has been gallivanting there for days (days!) and hasn’t posted anything. I won’t even bother linking to his blog since he hasn’t posted anything (anything!). That jetlag is a killer, isn't it dear?


The Now Why Didn’t I Think of That Award goes to Melissa at The Things I'd Tell You for coming up finally with the only sensible solution to the oil spill. Hello BP, are you listening?

Melissa’s brilliant solution

Hello? BP? Um, hey....does anyone answer the customer service line? Oh! Hello! Great, you're there! Hey, my friend had this fantastic idea and I was wondering if ya'll had considered trying... what's that? You want me to what? Why no, I don't think I'm flexible enough to.... Well %$#@& you too!


You Seriously Need to Update Your 1960's Literature Collection goes to the ring of Soviet spies arrested over the weekend in the U.S. whose bag o' spy tricks included writing notes in invisible ink and passing identical briefcases to each other in crowded train stations. What? No secret decoder rings?


The I Would Kill You if my Breast Were Not Trapped Between Two Cold Metal Plates Award goes to me for not killing the woman who performed my mammogram tonight.  God dammit.


Big Heart and Stinky Feet Award goes to the Hadrian walkers who are trekking 84 miles in 6 days across England to raise money for the Joseph Salmon Fund, which offers financial support to parents whose children have died. You can sponsor one of the walk's organizers, Dan Hughes from All That Comes With It here or comment at Frog Ponds Rock and Kim will generously give a dollar on your behalf.
 
 
 
I can't believe I'm missing the kickoff!

 
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23 comments:

  1. You have been getting some enjoyment from that naked rugby post! I'm so glad! lol

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  2. I haven't laughed that hard in WEEKS. Thank you, darlin'. God, you have a gift.

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  3. I've been spending utterly too much time on facebook. I went instinctively to "like" this post.

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  4. @ Accidentally Mommy, I know, I try to do that on Twitter! And I want to add #hashtags to my blog posts.

    @ Thinking Too Hard, aw thanks, I'm going to give you a Lusty for flattering me!

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  5. Why oh why isn't this awards ceremony televised?

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  6. Thanks for the laugh! Enjoy your Friday! :D

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  7. Bwahahahahaha... OMG Kristin....

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  8. I'm starting to think in 140 character spurts. While doing the washing. Think Twitter Rebhab is closer than I reckoned.

    Very funny Mrs WLust xxx

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  9. Naked Rugby?!!! Huh!! Sounds ... um ... painful ... might get confused with all those ... um ... balls ...

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  10. That's some seriously good photoshopping you've done there; it took me a moment to realise that it wasn't Oscar that Gwyneth was crying over.

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  11. I think I was up for the Big Heart, Stinky Feet award. Congratulations to the winners. :-)

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  12. @ Steve, seriously, Gwyneth is usually such a media magnet, too. #FAILGwyneth

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  13. I heard your FBI (or CIA or MFI, whatever) only caught those spies as they were boarding a bus, and your agent said "have a nice day" in Russian, and they said "thanks". Then I think one of them tried to jump over a fence on a motorbike but I might be wrong on that one

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  14. heh heh.
    You get the 'Photoshopping SHIZNIT' award for your mad skillzzz.
    Oh, and the 'good think Katie is wearing a pantyliner-cuz she just peed a bit there' award for your biting wit.

    loves ya.

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  15. Fellatio on a cactus - maybe the male doc would have understood THAT better than me telling him my throat felt like I swallowed razor blades.

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  16. Also, I'm not creepy stalking you... Let the analytics show I just forgot to close this tab.

    Duh.

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  17. I went out on a bender last night to celebrate my win and woke up at Matt Damon's house!! Go me! and thanks for the award. xo

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  18. @ Draft Queen - Damn. Slay me why don't you.

    @ Woog - Matt Damon? Huh. Now I totally have a girl crush on you.

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  19. Speechless at your brilliance! LOL... lucky didn't bag me a Lusty then, eh ;P

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  20. Thanks for the really good laugh early on a Saturday morning in New Jersey USA! :)

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  21. Love this! My new blogging goal is to be the recipient of a Lusty!

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  22. Bugger! I only just saw this post now. damn! Thanks for the shout out Kristin. we raised another 47 dollars for the trust so woohoo.

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Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

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