Friday, December 10, 2010

13 things to do while on Vicodin


  • Sleep for four hours and then get up and aimlessly wander the house.
  • Deftly avoid children’s toys strategically left in places most likely to kill you, and then run into Christmas tree.
  • Stare at grooves in dining room columns. Because my god they’re fucking amazing.
  • Brush your lips.
  • Wash darks on hot.
  • Anything can be purchased online.  Sweet Mary, why haven't you thought of this before?
  • Admire pretty flame on gas stove.
  • Sleep.
  • Watch Oprah. Cry. Pick up phone and order six live koalas for children only to be told by man with sexy accent to fuck off.
  • Write a poem about flying.
  • When children come home, serve them cereal for dinner and turn on Scooby Doo.
  • Sleep.
  • Scratch head in confusion when 42 boxes show up on front porch a week later.

This post brought to you by my latest migraine. Remember, when taking prescription pain medication, one should never drive, operate heavy machinery or publish blog posts.


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36 comments:

  1. Am I bad because I think this is so fucking funny? Your pain bought a smile to my face... xo

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  2. I want some Vicodin... Might work for my migraines... Feeling your pain, Kristin... Hope you get better soon. How is that sponsorship deal with makers of Vicodin coming along?

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  3. hahaha! this made me laugh so much. :D
    (we just had rented season 6 of the most awesome and longest vicodin commercial ever.)
    i hope your migrane is better tho x

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  4. @ Woog, oh honey, I wasn't feeling much pain by the end of the day!

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  5. @ Dorothy, hmmm... wonder if that's a conflict of interest, blogging about a drug not made by GSK! I actually take the generic so have no idea who makes it. :-P

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  6. I take Imitrex injections for mine, and let me tell you, I've done some of those things up there. It is never, never pretty.

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  7. Also? Hope you are feeling better!

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  8. @ Draft Queen, they want to try the injections with me. The pills apparently don't get into my system fast enough to work. Yay. More drugs.

    And yes, feeling better now, thx.

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  9. bahaa, I needed that just now xx Sorry to laugh at expense of your pain, Kristin.

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  10. At least it must have been a little fun opening those 42 boxes!

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  11. Or shop online apparently. Hehehe. Hope your head is feeling better.

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  12. I love your posts! :)

    Hope you're feeling better!

    I am very afraid of on-line shopping. I have never even allowed myself to browse. I don't have sufficient will-power to not order things, and access to shopping 24 hours a day in the comfort of my own home - SCARY!

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  13. oh you POOR love. Hope some of those boxes were useful. Or at least pretty.

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  14. You know I adore you, right? Right? Because OMG I NEEDED THIS.

    (Possibly the Vicodin, too. Instead, I'm settling for playing Guitar Hero with My True Love. I think it might do.

    Also, there's less chance of Poor Life Choices being made. :P)

    ((((HUGS))))

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  15. At least I had the good sense to shop at Victoria's Secret.

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  16. Glad you are feeling better. I'm with all the others in laughing too! Sorry.

    Have you thought I speaking to a naturopath about your migraines? I've not been down that path, but perhaps there's something they can do that will make you less spacey.

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  17. ugh migraines suck... but this made me smile. Hope you are feeling better, and be careful, Koalas can be nasty!

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  18. THis is a riot! I can relate to this way too well as I also take vicodin for migraines. Oh, and I take it for visiting in-laws. LOL.

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  19. @ Tornado Twos - LOL, wise woman! Hadn't thought of that.

    @ Styling You - don't apologize, I'm laughing at my expense. That's the idea.

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  20. Bwahaha.... i am so taking that vicodin.

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  21. Ha-haaa! You are nothing if not giving through and through, kind lady! Even in your pain, you share.

    TornadoTwos has got the right idea ;)

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  22. Why can't I get vicodin?


    Insert whiny, foot stomping tantrum. Is it worth moving to Kansas for?

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  23. Oprah and Scooby Doo? That must have been one helluva migraine!

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  24. You need vicodin to do this?? Honey this is just me on a good day :)

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  25. I can't do the Imitrex, makes me sick. Try Zomig, it's a triptan and although it makes me the worlds loopiest person alive, it does get rid of the toughest migraines!

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  26. @ Rhonda, have tried it. Didn't do it for me. I'm a tough nut to crack, apparently. x

    @ Steve, don't tell, but I don't even have cable. Haven't watched TV in ages. Kids live on DVD's.

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  27. @ Caitlyn, LOL, I know, pretty close to my everyday habits minus the sleep (if I have a day off).

    @ Melissa, no!, I'm sure you have it there, the generic is hydrocodone.

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  28. I sure hope you feel better. Migraines are NOT fun. But you sure are funny when you are drugged. Not that you aren't funny when you're NOT drugged. Yeah, well let me just end these comments right here. :)

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  29. There is just so much about the world I don't know, amazing. Oh, and I do some of those things without medication....

    AV

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  30. One should also not surf online shopping sites.....ha ha.

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  31. I'm laughing with you not at you. Have been there too. Pain SUCKS.

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  32. Next time decide that you can sing and send off an application for Americas got talent - you know it makes sense

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  33. I am looking for a live koala right now but having trouble. Would solve the problem of what to buy the man who has everything...

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  34. I actually felt guilty about laughing at your misfortune - right up until I read all the comments from your other 'friends'!! My other problem is buying a Xmas gift for the man who wants nothing ...

    Thanx so much for visiting and following my blog - hope to see you back real soon!

    Happy travels, and Merry Xmas!!

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