Wednesday, January 12, 2011

The Lusty Awards - Round II


What a fucker of a last week. Pardon my impeccable French, but honestly. I think we're all crying uncle.

What do you do when you’re emotionally strung out and at the end of your tether? Crack open a bottle of red? Break out the black humor? Torture your children by cranking up the Clash and doing a little air guitar in your underwear?

Me. I hand out some Lusties. I can’t remember the last time I gave away Lusties. Hmn, actually I can, but it's been ages.

So without further ado…

The Facepalm award goes to Sarah Palin for making George W Bush look that much smarter every time she opens her mouth. Is she still on the planet? How about now?

The Now That’s a Resolution I Can Get Behind award goes to Jadeluxe who advises for 2011: “think of the most off-the-wall thing you’d love to do, intend to do it, and then actually give in to the impetus,” and adds, “he who dies with the most toys, still dies”. Heya Jade, I think you'll like my intention for 2011.

The Where’s My Vicodin? award goes to my favorite little 5-yr-old migraine inducer: “Why do screws go around in a circle? How did the weasel go pop? I wish there was a hurricane made out of snow and it was 2x google. Mama, I can speak fly. What if my elbow fell off my body? Would that freak you out?” Yes, dear, it would.

The Banging My Head Against a Brick Wall award goes to the considerable red tape and bureaucratic nonsense of our local legal and law enforcement system. Don’t these people watch TV to see how it’s supposed to be done? Dammit.

The But I’ve Got a Really Hard Head award goes to me.

The Mother of the Year award also goes to me for managing to discreetly deflate and dispose of six ancient party balloons while the kids did interpretive bubble-popping in front of the Wii AND hide the fact that I accidentally vacuumed up Baby Shrek’s head. Shhhhh.

The Amazingly Big Hearts award goes to the incredible Aussie Mummy Bloggers. There is no end to the depth of their compassion. I love you guys.

The Lost for Words award goes to beautiful, brave Queensland. Because at this point, I truly am.



Money to be distributed to several relief organizations such as Red Cross Australia


I-I-I was saving those balloons!


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25 comments:

  1. BRILLIANT! gave me a much-need (and appreciated!) laugh. Especially the bit about Baby Shreks' head.

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  2. Yay to you! And those questions from your 5yo made me LOL!! xx

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  3. Love, love, love these.

    But, poor baby Shrek! ;)

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  4. Isn't amazing how many ancient party balloons can accumulate around the house. I'm in favour of a quick nip with the scissors when my little angel has gone to bed. The evidence then gets buried in the bin under last nights dinner scraps. Have discovered she very rarely notices they are missing.

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  5. Excellent awards and recipient choices!

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  6. Totally fabulous! I would like to subscribe to your skills in being able to dispose of balloons and dolls heads ;)

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  7. Um even I would be freaked out if your son's elbow fell off!

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  8. Thanks, I needed that laugh. Still laughing at Veggie Mama too.

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  9. That's funny! In the face of adversity sometimes you've just got to laugh. And I just did. Thanks!

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  10. "What if my elbow fell off my body? Would that freak you out?" You know what, there's something about the innocence of that question that makes me feel momentarily better about the state of the world.

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  11. Yes, it's been a shit week. Thanks for cheering me up with the Lusty Awards.

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  12. Awesome! I'm waiting to accidentally, secretly, on purpose throw out some toys and other miscelleaneaous items the kids can't live without, apparently... Love the Lusties!

    Oh, you gonna love this - I was trying to type in your page address into IE at work the other day and the web filter stopped me and told me it was "possible pornographic content"!!!!

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  13. I'd forgotten about the Lusties, so it's really been a while! Fab work. x

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  14. Hehehe! You are too awesome for words to describe you

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  15. Hooray! Someone else who speaks fly.
    I feel less alone now.

    LCM x

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  16. Love 'em! Glad the elbows are all intact.

    Also relieved to learn I'm not the only mom who's guilty of clandestine balloon removal and vacuuming up small toys (Sorry about that cocktail glass, Polly Pocket, but I think we both know that beverage looked a little too adult for you anyway.).

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  17. I have had about a month like this and have cried more in that space of time than in an entire fucking year, thankyouverymuch dear god save us all.

    On a completely different topic, I really wish you and a bunch of my other bloggy friends lived close enough to come to the Pure Romance party I'm hosting at the end of this month, cuz I think we could all use with a fun, raunchy Girls' Night In.

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  18. @ Teacher Mommy -- Hmmmm... considers drive up north.

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  19. Yes, it has been a fucker of a week hasn't it.

    I love your lusties. That sounds a bit wrong. Ho hum.

    I also love you, I think you're amazing. xxx

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  20. lol at baby shreks head. Great lusties! thanks for the laugh :)

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  21. ha, you are so funny when you get to be :D
    i have the same kind of questions at the moment at thome 'can you pull your foot inside the car so you don't get it squished when i close the door!!' "WHAT IF it does?" "It will fall off" (parenting fail) "WHAT IF it DOES fall off" (he doesn't give up, huh?) "It hurts. A LOT. More than NEEDLES!" (child now very quiet. mother now feeling very bad)

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Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

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