Thursday, March 10, 2011

I'm headed to Sydney and my tits shine

I love you guys. I write about healing and having this life-changing transformative experience and you're all: “Hey, that's great, can we see your new bra?!?” Beth's comment was my favorite. She said, “Look at you. Even your tits shine!”

I have to back up and say something about life and healing and martyrdom and waking up. A month ago I crashed. Crashed hard. I was diagnosed with PTSD and took a leave of absence from work. I had to. I couldn't function.

I went to stay with my brother and his new wife for a couple of weeks. It may have saved my life. At least according to the professionals. No, I wasn't suicidal. Never have been. But stress, when it's severe and prolonged, begins to shut down the various systems of the body. That is what was happening to me. Please, please, don't ever let yourself go as long as I did under that kind of stress.

Here is something else. I hadn't seen my brother in years. Why is not important. But when my life fell into crisis I called him and asked if he could come out and help me with a few things. He did. He flew out and it was so wonderful to see him again and reconnect. Both our parents died years ago and we only have each other from our original family. When his flight landed I looked at the board and realized that he was landing on the anniversary of our mother's death, 18 years ago. And his flight landed at the exact time she died: 1:30 in the afternoon. It gave me chills. I think she was bringing us back together.

It wasn't a week after he left that I fell apart. Just fell. I called him in tears and asked if I could come out. He didn't even hesitate. He bought tickets for me and the kids and flew us out. For two weeks I did nothing but rest and they took care of the kids and me and it was so healing. How do you thank someone for something like that?

Then, when I came home, I had this amazing experience where I saw myself in that mirror. I saw that I was beautiful and that my life mattered and it changed me. I didn't think it would last, but it has. When I slip up and forget something or make a mistake, I wait for the negative self-talk to kick in like it always has, but instead there is silence. It's just not there. I just feel...confident. I think I've discovered my inner Towanda.

I'm still not completely healed. I still get overwhelmed easily. I still get that brain fog and fatigue that comes with PTSD. I worry a bit about all the excitement of the first week in Sydney. Media appearances, a speech, a blog reading, meeting a gazillion incredible people. But it will all be okay.

I'm so unprepared for this trip. I should probably care, but I don't. I just threw a bunch of random stuff in my suitcase and called it good. I have our passports, I have my sparkly bra, I have the candy. That's all I need, right? I'm sure the housesitters will be tripping over piles of stuff I left out in conspicuous spots to make sure I wouldn't forget them.

Anyway, we're off on the first leg of our trip. I'm actually writing this post from a McDonald's parking lot in Podunk, Kansas. I'll be arriving in Sydney Monday morning. Woogsie had something come up and can't make it to the airport, so if you're bored feel free to come show up at Sydney International and we can go grab a coffee. It's an inconvenient time (8:30 a.m. plus an hour for me to get through customs) and I'm happy to take the train, but it would be fun to see a friendly face. I'll be the one with the red suitcase and the tired, but happy eyes.

Oh, and my tits shine.


Adios Kansas!


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43 comments:

  1. YAY!!!! Can't wait to finally meet you! xx Safe travels. x

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  2. Fly in to Brisbane! Or the Gold Coast! Then I'll pick ya up and take you for some weird wild fun!

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  3. Yippee. Cannot freaking wait to meet you for realzzzzzz. Bern xx

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  4. Said it before but I'm going to say it again - I can't wait to meet you!! Have a safe flight! xx

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  5. Was I the only one bawling my eyes out in the bit where your brother lands and it's the date and time of your mum's death?
    See you this time next week!!!
    x

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  6. I cannot believe you are on your way! Better get the red carpet out.... and the goat out of your room.

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  7. Wow! What a great post. I loved hearing about your journey of recovery. Good on you! Can't wait to meet you at the conference! Enjoy the flight... it's a doozie!

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  8. If I lived in Sydney I'd come and get you, but I don't.... Have a safe trip and I will see you and those Margaritas on Friday night...! Oh, and the bra....

    I teared up reading about how you'd been feeling. It's hard for anyone who hasn't been through this sthit to imagine that you could still feel like this even when everything is supposedly over, although I know that for you it's not, really. Fog and fatigue.... Sounds familiar. I hope the Sydney sun will hope to dispel it even more.

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  9. This is a brilliant post. Can't wait to meet you and give you a huge hug! Sorely tempted to fly in to Sydney on Monday just to give you a hug but will have to contain myself until Sat xx

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  10. I'm so excited for you Kristen and I really look forward to reading about your travels and time in our country.
    That time spent with your brother was beautiful, I had chills and tears as I read it.
    Stay safe, relax and mostly, enjoy xxxx

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  11. I'm so excited for you I got goosebumps reading this post, and I'm not even going to meet you.
    I'm sad (but not surprised) that you fell so hard. The stuff you're going through -- geez. I can't even begin to imagine it.
    But you're like silver, being refined -- placed in the hottest hot fire, so all the crap can be burned away -- and when you come out of it, you are gonna dazzle us all.
    The tits are only the beginning, baby.

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  12. Just don't take any apples offered on the airlines, NO FRUIT or FOOD is to come into the country. DOnt pat the nice doggies if they come to sniff, and have fun. xx

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  13. Sounds like it wont just be your bra thats sparking when you arrive - a whole new Wanderlust awaits as I believe this is going to be nothing short of life changing for you and your little family x

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  14. Oh wow, wow, wow. You're going to feel so much lurrrve here you'll be choking on the stuff. Big hugs to you and safe travels! xxxx

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  15. Kristin...loved this post. I could feel a big CHANGE for you is coming and Sydney is just the beginning!!!! Who knows, you may never come back ^_^! Enjoy the time there! I really hope to get there myself one day...SOON ^_^! I'll live vicariously through your lovely posts about sparkling bras and shopping! Lots of love to YOU!

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  16. In exactly a weeks time I shall be chatting to you for real! xx

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  17. Safe trip hope Sydney is nice and relaxing for you despite all the stuff going on!

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  18. Not just your tits. You shine all over. Good for you. Have a great time. Have a fun time. Have a fun time. Be you and shine.

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  19. It's now 2:20 a.m. and I made it as far as Hayseed, Oklahoma (or something like that). See, I'm already starting to transition to Sydney time. Woot woo!

    @ Steve, your poetry makes me weep!

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  20. Man, Kristin, all the best, don't you think this is really crazy cuz it's HAPPENING ? SEEEEE ??
    all kind of crazy shit happens if we want it.
    I am so happy for you guys and will try follow you closely on your adventure, at least online.
    (we'll catch up in Brisbane once you live here, ok? promise !) x have bucket loads of fun in Oz!!
    (ah.. maybe stay away from the beaches unless they say it's safe, this part of the planet is kind of 'shaken' and soaked by disasters lately..but hey "she'll be right! & no worries" ok ! :D )

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  21. Have a fabulous time. I like that now that your tits shine your blog is wanderlus or bust - clever.

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  22. @ Barbara - ha ha, must have been subliminal...!

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  23. Safe travels! I am so crushed I won't get the opportunity to meet you.

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  24. Hi Shiny tits - oops sorry Kirstin, sorry sweetie we don't get into Sydney until Wednesday night, so can not help with the pick up. Looking forward to meeting you, will just look for the crowd and I know you will be in the middle being hugged by the masses ... cause if anyone deserves it, it is you. xxxx

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  25. OMG! You are almost here! It is really happening. Unreal!xxxx

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  26. TOWANDAAAAAAAAAAAAA! See you soon, Sparkles!

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  27. Hey, Kristin, of I hope you get this, I hope you check your email somewhere. I have a late start for work on Monday. I don't have to leave home until 11 am, so I can meet you as you come out of Customs. I'll drop a line to Mrs. Woog too.

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  28. Totally feel like i've come in midway through a big conversation/ your life, so hello & enjoy Sydney, my home town. Wishing you well on your journey & have a great time at the bloggers conference, love Posie

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  29. Tears this morning, Wanderlust, tears, and for once not my own self-absorbed ones. Tears of relief, of joy - at the thought of you looking in that mirror and seeing yourself, honestly,and liking what you saw for the first time in ages.
    just brill.

    M2Mx

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  30. Tits shine? I’m still rubbing the sleep out of my eyes and I’m cracking up! You funny, Kristin. Be well, and soak up as much as you can Down Under.

    -Cab

    XO

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  31. Have a wonderful, WONDERFUL time, and, oh yeah, as that saying goes, NIPPLES TO THE WIND, girlfriend!

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  32. I'm so glad you're going to Australia! I bet it will be great, and the conference will be good. I often think when traveling, All I have is hope and dum-dums. You've got the candy. No worries. Enjoy!

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  33. @ Watershedd - WONDERFUL!!! Yay, will EM you! xoxo

    @ Pat - LOL! I've been thinking of you as I trek across the country. x

    @ Posie - nice to meet you. Thanks for dropping by!

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  34. I simply do not believe there is a place called Podunk Kansas. I wish I could be there to see you but Vienna is so far. Have a wunnerful time. Kiss a Koala for me.

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  35. What a wonderful post! I'm so happy for you and your shiny tits!

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  36. I am so excited for you! Please take lots and lots of photos so I can enjoy your trip vicariously through you.

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  37. I would so pick you up if I lived anywhere near sydney. I know Melbourne is much closer to Sydney than Kansas, but it's still a bit far to come for an airport coffee. See you in a week! exactly.

    btw - I got shivers and goosebumps reading about your brother's arrival time - that is amazing.

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  38. Ok, now I am getting very excited! Can't wait to meet you!

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  39. Shiny boobs....wow. Hope I get to say hi in Sydney xx

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  40. Australia is so beautiful. You're going to love it xx

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