Sunday, April 24, 2011

The single mother's survival guide to Easter

Holidays and single parenting. They go together like... well, like two things that, when you put them together, cause stress, angst and money to disappear.

Ah, but don't you worry! I am here to share with you the survival strategies I have come up with all on my own (move over, Martha).  Feel free to apply them to your next big event.

1. About a week before Easter the children will start begging you to put up Easter decorations. You don't have any and you certainly don't want to buy any. You are after all, in jettison mode, not acquisition mode, seeing as your intention is to not buy anything you wouldn't want to pack in a shipping crate and move overseas. Being the creative and resourceful mom you are, you remember the gingerbread Christmas house kit tucked in the pantry, the one your son's childcare provider found on clearance and bought him a week after you painstakingly built a gingerbread house with your children.


2. Bless her.


3. Build an "Easter house" with your children.





4. Then let them eat it immediately.





5. Pick up the kids from childcare on Friday afternoon as they launch into you at a full run and breathlessly tell you about the Easter egg hunt Saturday morning at the Big Church nearby where there will be 5,000 eggs and it's FREE and can we go, can we go, can we go, can we go?? They wave a flyer in your face that has been given to them by their childcare provider.


6. Bless her.


7. Wake up Saturday morning, come downstairs in your robe and regard the state of the house. When the kids ask about the egg hunt, launch into a tirade about how you just cleaned the house and now it looks like a pig sty and there is so much play dough and craft paper on the table you can't even see the surface and how can they stand to live like this and you're going upstairs to take a shower and they have fifteen minutes to get the place clean!


8. Come downstairs and find this.





9. Take the kids to Big Church egg hunt.


10. To save time, let them dress themselves.





11. ...and brush their own hair.





12. Leave with loot before hard sell begins.


13. Sigh at the prospect of filling a jillion eggs with candy for tomorrow's hunt. Decide to let kids fill eggs. Kids are thrilled! Win win.





14. Remember that Easter generally involves a large meal, often including ham or some other meat as a main entree. Shrug. Tell kids that in honor of the Easter bunny, you're having carrot soup.





15. Allow excited kids to drag you out of bed Easter morning to show you the wonder of full Easter baskets.


16. Mainline coffee in preparation for the homegrown, secular egg hunt.


17. Allow the kids to dress themselves.





18. They will need their time for hunting, after all.  You never know where bunny has hidden the eggs this year.




24 comments:

  1. I need some of those plastic eggs to fill. For real. We do not have those. (And I also will, in a year or so, probably want more Reeces to fill said pastic eggs.)

    xx

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  2. Oh, how you made me smile with this one!!! Even when doing the holidays as a single mum must be so hard, your kids are clearly having a ball, simply because I what you do. I loved the photos, the stories - I LOVE the outfits they dressed themselves in!!! Happy, peaceful Easter xxxx

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  3. I love this. Brushing their own hair, dressing themselves, and clearing that table are all good. Happy Easter!

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  4. Diminishing Lucy - Spotlight started stocking those eggs this year (or at least first time I've seen them.) We had a ball having a hunt with them full of either lollies or a fluffy chick - the one who got the "real egg" with the chick won an easter egg. :-)

    This was so lovely to read and wow, just sounds like you had the most fun and are developing amazing delegation skills. ;-)

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  5. This made me remember the days before I married The Hubs when I was a single mom. Believe it or not there are times when I miss those days, not that I would ever trade The Hubs. But then it was just me and Jakob-E...many good times.

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  6. @ Lucy - Really? You don't have those plastic eggs? Lordy...we have a gazillion of them. I think they multiply each year. I'll try to find some on clearance. I will fill them with Reeses and bring them to you on my next trip (when I come to claim that cup of coffee). :)

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  7. @ Salamander - we did have a ball! My kids got candy, I got a clean house and none of us really wanted ham anyway. x

    @ Rhonda - yeah, I love the outfits they pick for themselves. They make me smile.

    @ Esse Devi - thanks! Maybe next time I can manage it without a tantrum. :)

    @ Rhonda - It really is fun. I wouldn't trade my babies for all the world. x

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  8. Those are such sweet photos! It looks like they are having a lot of fun, and that their Easter was filled with a lot of happy memories! :)

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  9. Love your guide, LOVE your Easter house! It looks absolutely incredible!

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  11. IRL - it was filled with lots of candy, so yes, a happy Easter!

    Corinne - I think the Easter bunny was impressed. Carrot soup and a gingerbread house!

    Jess - aw, thx! x

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  12. Hey you should TOTALLY be working as an event co-ordinator, Easter looks like a ton of fun at your house.
    Can you come and run Easter at my house next year?

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  13. You got is sussed to the max!

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  14. You're such a fantastic mother! Big Church AND your own egg hunt!!

    Love how they cleaned up in 15 minutes. Stormy mum tantrums work every time.

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  15. I think you've created quite the perfect plan here Miss Martha! Belated Happy easter to you all xx

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  16. I want to know where all the shit on the table went!

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  17. @ Misfit Mommy - LOL! They actually put the play dough away where it belongs. The other stuff I haven't seen. Good question...

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  18. @ Toni - what I wouldn't give to be in Perth next Easter! You are so on for that gig!

    @ Steve, Donna - Huh. Plan? Making it up as I go along... :)

    @ River - I was completely impressed with their cleaning. Shame on them for reinforcing my bad tantrum behavior. It will only get them more of the same.

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  19. If you could e-mail me with a few suggestions on just how you made your blog look this excellent, I would be grateful.

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  20. @ Anon - Kinda hard to email someone who's anonymous.

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  21. Love the fashion pics and your comment at anon - lol

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  22. Wow! Despite your protestations, your Easter prep was pretty spesh. Beats the crap outta my lame effort at hiding eggs in places where the mess was less...well...messy.
    Oh, and I like the way they dress!

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  23. I just can't get myself motivated for Easter. I've been asked if I organised an egg hunt for Lilly, or put down fake bunny footprints. My answer was a resounding "Nuh". She's two. And I couldn't be arsed. Mother of the Year! Yay! :-P

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