Sunday, May 1, 2011

Please don't invite me

Today I have a very special guest posting on Wanderlust: Sawhole.

Sawhole is Mrs Woog's indentured blog servant assistant. You may recall that while I was in Sydney, my family stayed at the Woog's while they partayed up the coast. Which meant that I had the pleasure of feeding the guinea pigs and emptying the kitty litter tray into the yard of her fattist neighbor. Which meant that Sawhole didn't have to. To show her gratitude, she has agreed to guest post for me.

Take it away, Sawhole...

* * * * *

Work functions. They drive me crazy.

Most of the time I am stuck with a glass of lukewarm wine and forced to share inane chitchat. My back also hurts because you generally have to stand up at cocktail functions. For hours.

In the lead up to Christmas, I was forced to endure a work lunch organised, should I say disorganised, by Cyclone/Hurricane David Brent. He is named as such because he barges in and fucks everything up. I tried to get out of this lunch. Claimed smallpox, Stockholm Syndrome and rickets but I eventually had to drag my sad butt down to Sydney for the event.

The lunch was all about David Brent and we had to munch on meat while sitting in the middle of a bush/forest fire because the lunch was a Brazilian grill. David Brent was also particularly enthused with ordering the wine and took it upon himself to choose what we would drinking. He chose fucking Riesling.

While the view of Sydney Harbour was divine, David Brent spent the whole lunch assuring himself of his generosity and his all-round hero worship by staff. That was until two of our credit cards were declined and the waitstaff started looking at us like the petty criminals.

Eventually the Mr T's credit card was accepted and off we went into the sunset. David Brent then took the younger members of staff drinking and I spent the rest of the afternoon on the Freeway home. The pregnant staff members were left there like discarded rocks.

Generally these work events are a toss-fest (Australian for pretentious and annoying). Yes, I know, I am fortunate to have a job and should be thankful for the lunch. But please allow me to execute my right to complain.

Some of you may be aware of my recent bad behaviour at another Sydney restaurant. I really don't care if you increased your billable hours last quarter. Leave me alone please, I am trying to eat dinner and your obsessive applause is distracting us from our conversation.

Conversation? Well that happened when Mrs Woog and I could get a word in but nonetheless...

In future please do not invite me anywhere unless it is with my peeps in a bubble.

Or here.

Over and out. Ten Four Rubber Ducky.


* * * * *

Seriously, she would rather mop the dance floor than go to a work-related party


  1. Was that me ,did i take the unflattering pic oops :-P next time do a real quick sit up and smile pose Did not notice the price tag on ya boots untill you happened to mention that LOL...!!!!

  2. Uh oh, busted! I thought you were going to give me grief for stealing the picture off Facebook! Sit up and smile -- I'll have to remember that the next time someone take my picture in bed (it happens so often...).

  3. Totally agree with you SawHole. I remember work dos and loathing them LOATHING. PS You do not seem to mind it when I take you out for Chicken Nuggets though.....

  4. That photo should be banned and I had Spanx on!

  5. LOL... nah why would i give you grief hun? It does not have my name on it so it was for you and sawhole for the taking hahaha! I don't get shitty that easily :-)

  6. Okay, but popular demand (threat of death) I have put up a new photo. This one stolen from Nikki. :)

  7. I rarely minded my own work do's - usually I worked with people who were tops - but any of my ex-husbands'/boyfriends' work dos? Would rather chew my own arm off..

  8. I rarely minded my own work do's - usually I worked with people who were tops - but any of my ex-husbands'/boyfriends' work dos? Would rather chew my own arm off..

  9. great post, I'm usually the life of those work do's - thankfully I learnt the art of leaving at the right time! I feel your pain though, once I started to see through theire cheesey veneer I realised work do's are no longer for me, I'd rather be with my man or other significant people!

  10. You sound like a woman after my own heart. I stopped attending work's social occasions years ago after waking up to the fact that I spent the entire time wanting to kill my boss and his cronies with the fish forks.

  11. Work do's? Are those the ones where youzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz........

    Sorry. Where was I?

    LCM x

  12. I never minded work functions because I was the pet of the scariest lawyer at our firm, so I got a free pass to do as I pleased. But Riesling? Yuck!

  13. LOL - Unfortunately I'm NOT aware of your recent exploits, but I'm with you on the work functions. I only go if it's mandatory, and in a good restaurant, and if I can get ONE person to go with me and complain.


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