Saturday, September 10, 2011

The BEST vibrator ever

I want to tell you a little story. This may not make much sense if you don't read Woogsworld, but then again, that's your fault for having poor taste.

Once upon a time there was a nice woman from Kansas who had the misforture to marry someone who brought a bunch of shit crashing down on her life. She had the good fortune, however, to be hanging out with some lovely and generous virtual friends. Those friends looked upon her with compassion and finagled a way to get her to Australia for a big blogging conference.





She had the most fantastic time. She laughed and partied with her friends and they all confessed their most secret-like secrets to each other. They learned who among them who wore a puffer jacket in the bedroom, who had constructed a lifesize statue of Tony Abbot out of empty Vodka O bottles and who wore only Mickey Mouse underwear (with tassles). It was then that the woman from Kansas leaned in and shared that she hadn't had ANY in ages. The friends gasped. None? they asked. How do you....live?

After the conference, one of her friends (who was a bit pissed), took her aside and told her about The BEST Vibrator Ever. In fact, she suggested, you could do a review of it on your blog! One warning though (and here she looked seriously at her friend) it should only be used sparingly. Because, well, you know.

When the woman returned home to Kansas, she was very meloncholy. She missed her friends. After wallowing about in despair for several weeks, she remembered what she had brought back from Australia, that was now tucked in a box, out of sight in the top of her closet. She sat awkwardly on her white furniture and pondered deeply what she should do.


Should I switch to Wordpress?


She was consumed with the thought of this thing and after trying nobly to resist, she finally became overwhelmed with desire and ran to the closet, ripped open the box and set upon her kitchen counter The BEST Vibrator Ever.

(I can't bring myself to put the picture up on my blog. Click here to see it.)

And she spent the....

next

four

hours

savoring it's vibrating goodness.



Better. Than. Sex.


The end.


Shut up. It did so happen exactly this way.



26 comments:

  1. Just when I was going to get excited and give you a recommendation about the best vibrator ever, I clicked on the link to your best vibrator ever. Lucky I did - saved my dignity!
    Hope you are well :) xx

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  2. @Carly - you can still give me that recommendation. Ya know.

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  3. Bbbwwwhahahahaaaa!

    I adore ADORE you xxx

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  4. You had me.
    Chocolate's up there though.
    As in 'up there' on my list of pleasurable experiences.
    Oh God - just stop typing.
    :-)

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  5. @Smudgeblurr - no kidding, huh? The price we pay for our pleasures...

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  6. Hahaha - thats Hilarious!! I was sooo disappointed when up popped a kitchen appliance. What a hoot!

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  7. @RR - did you want to slap me and tell me to get back to our scrabble game?

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  8. hahahaha ... I do love a little story to lighten my Sunday afternoon x

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  9. I may have to get me one of those. And if that makes me a lesbian so be it. I'm with you, sisters!

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  10. haha I fell right into that one, totally thought you were recommending the Rabbit AND was very impressed by your stamina (or jealous. Or both.)
    xxx

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  11. hehehehehe :-))))

    Thanks ever so much on a wonderful cold sunday arvo pick me up story
    (and i was getting so close to my screen reading holding my breath ) then clicked link OMG! look at that price) looks wonderful tho.

    Maybe if i am at blogher12 (fingers crossed) might pop over to see you and i must use that machine i just must!! :-)

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  12. I knew it was chocolate the whole time.

    Did so!

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  13. I SO needed to laugh tonight. Thank you, K. Miss yah.xxxx

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  14. Thanks to you, I almost lost a decent mouthful of wine. All over my laptop. Man, you are good. You are really goooood at the setup and suspense! Love you xxxxxx (your move, I believe)

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  15. you got me, i was totally wondering about the four hours.

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  16. Now THAT'S the kind of vibrator I would truly enjoy using!!!

    Bwahahahahaha - you and Woogsy crack me up!

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  17. I suppose I'll have to do a real vibrator post now so I don't get a reputation as a tease...

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  18. LOVED it! Though I do think that is a lot to spend on a vibrator. Not that I know how much they cost or anything ;)

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  19. Pahahaha!! NOT what I was expecting - but still very good! Are you relaxed now?

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  20. @Sarah - Gee, I wouldn't know either... ;)

    @Meltdowns - I was, but I think I need more chocolate. And it's my move on WWF, isn't it?

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