Tuesday, October 4, 2011

Do you see a pattern here?

I have two children, 6 and almost 9.

At night I put them to bed three or four times. Once for show and then again when they get up to tell me the other is being too loud, get a notion to jump on the bed, decide they are suddenly starving and ask can they have something to eat (no), have a burning desire to be medicated/bandaged/cuddled because they fell and bonked a knee when jumping on the bed, and finally to tell me they can't sleep.

When I go to wake them up in the mornings they grunt and tell me they are too tired. Getting them out of bed is like peeling gum off a shoe.

When I get home from work I am tired and want to sit down for a bit to relax. They are bouncing off the walls and want nothing other than for me to play with them. Now! Please???? I say give me 5 minutes and they wait 12 seconds and then come over and wheedle/whine/beg/give me boo boo eyes.

After two minutes of silence I realize the girl has confiscated my cell phone to play with the camera. “Give that back to me!”

Somewhere around minute 4 the boy decides to do an aerial scissor-kick on the way to the kitchen and his outstretched hand hits the end of a Transformers action figure (Optimus Prime) perched on the counter, which then flies across the room in a perfectly aimed trajectory and lands on the girl's head. Crying ensues.

Good thing they are so cute.

* * * * *

Last week we adopted two kittens, 8 weeks old.

At night after the third of fourth tucking-in when the kids finally succumb to sleep, the kittens are just gearing up. They tear through the rooms and pounce on top of each other, beds, Barbie's townhouse, their litter box and the children's heads.

In the evenings when I sit down to read or work on the computer, one climbs up my leg and across my chest, falls but catches itself (thank goodness) by digging it's razor claws into my skin, crawls onto my face and starts licking my nose. The other plays with my earring. I pick them up and move them to the floor. This exercise repeats six or seven times.

As I'm wrestling with one cat the other walks across my keyboard and inadvertently renames a folder '33333333333333wqq”.

Finally, I am ready to get up and start dinner. At which point I realize that both kittens have fallen asleep on my shoulders.

After dinner the kittens climb up atop a folding chair and shift the center of gravity so that it comes crashing to the floor and onto their food dishes (ceramic, they break), and the loud noise and bowl breakage startles both children who were quietly playing UNO. Crying ensues.

Good thing they are so cute.

I think I'm beginning to see a pattern...

I said give me my camera back!


  1. I wish you would put it all on YouTube.

  2. @Toni - including the bit with me rocking quietly in the corner?

  3. Don't think you'll be getting any peace here. Consider it training.

  4. p.s. Renaming the folder. Hilarious! Did you see a FB status update I made recently? "Steve likes the cat all of a sudden. Seems she's gone up in his estimation because somehow, she managed to install a plug-in on our Apple TV for Academic Earth (video courses in Literature from Yale and Mathematics from MIT) by walking/sitting on the keyboard. Particularly amused that he didn't even suspect it might be ME *typical*"

  5. The cute factor has to be a survival thing, yes?

  6. That's nature for you. Make all the things that require the most work/patience the most cute.
    Blast Mother Nature.


  7. Kitten cuteness trumps everything.

  8. You have school age children who don't stay in bed and keep quiet?
    Send them to me, I'll sort them out.
    When you want 5 minutes after work, set the oven timer and tell the kids to play with the kittens and not come near you until the timer goes off.
    If they do this, they get your undivided attention for 30 minutes to an hour.
    They'll soon understand that five minutes peace for you makes for a happier mummy and better attention for them.

  9. The same reason newborns are so, so, so damn cute.
    So we resist the urge to leave them on someone else's doorstep after a few weeks.
    Um, do you have a lock on any room in the house? For a wee bit of self imposed 'time out'.

  10. So basically you are now the single mom of 4 kids . . . my hats off to you crazy lady!!

  11. I see a pattern too. You need a nanny and a pet trainer. And more sleep.


  12. I'd forgotten just how bouncy trouncy kittens are until I saw my friends' new kitten. She also wakes them up in the night to play. Sounds like you have your hands full--good thing they're all full of cuteness! ;)

  13. @River - I used a wee bit of creative license. I'm not quite that lame at setting boundaries (close though).

    @Kirrily - I *love* that your cat programmed your TV (in a positive way). Will you send her my way? I cannot for the life of me figure out how to work ours. #technoob

  14. @Steve - your interpretation is very pleasing to me. I'll get to work on it straightaway.

    @FoxintheCity - apparently. The crazy part is true anyway. :)

  15. yep and uncanny as I too gained two kittens last week! And they are very, very cute!

  16. To be honest, I prefer kitten cuteness.

  17. When I read this, it was 3am in the morning and Lola had been awake for an hour - which she has a habit of doing.
    Lucky she's cute though ;)

  18. Hehe that is so cute! Beware though not to let that kitten keep licking your nose! My husband has a cut on his nose at the moment from our kitten who is now two and lulls him into a false sense of security by purring and smooching and licking and then he BIGHTS him. Needless to say he is not in the good books at the moment - Dexter that is. Plus they do so much with their mouths (they can do amazingly disgusting things) that the cuts get infected very easily. We do love our cats though. XX

  19. Kids and kittens are cute so that we keep them. And feed them. And stuff.

  20. @Glen - great minds think alike!

    @Dorothy - I'm telling your kids...

    @TattooMummy - it truly is a survival mechanism, cuteness, isn't it? :)

  21. @RR - Okay, now everytime the kitten crawled on my tonight I thought of your comment. I think I will smear anti-bacterial lotion on them...

    @MaidinAustralia- it's the stuff part that does me in...


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