It is the wheel of Fortuna, the goddess of Fate. Around and around it turns, bringing us new experiences, opportunities, beginnings and completions -- the rise and fall of our fortunes.
As she delivers to us the fruits of the seeds we have sown, for better or for worse, she teaches us that life is never static and the future is rarely predictable.
I haven't written here in almost three weeks. I've never, in the life of my blog, gone that long without posting.
I have never been very good at writing about the mundane or the trivial when there is something big standing just behind me. I want to turn around and look at the big thing and write about what I see.
Right now, there is something big standing right behind me. Only, I can't make out just what it is.
For one, there is movement on the legal front, finally. Though I've learned not to hold my breath. And for the moment I have to hold my pen.
But it's more than that.
Today I went through the pantry and threw out all the canned food that had expired. Last week I sorted piles of school papers and old bills, shredded a jillion credit card offers. I've been hauling boxes up from the basement and getting rid of stuff I've held onto for too long -- stuff I never needed to begin with.
Anything that's no longer useful -- that's outgrown, outdated, superfluous -- I want it gone. I want my life pared down to the essentials.
I feel like I'm preparing for something, but I don't know what.
There is a voice inside me that is saying: put your house in order, gather your children close, be ready.
That sounds ominous, I know. It doesn't feel ominous. A little scary perhaps, the way the pause at the top of a roller coaster is scary, when you know the freefall is coming.
Blogging, stats, sponsors, social engagement... all of that has lots its pull for the time being. I'll come back to it, I'm sure, but for now I feel like I need to gather my energy back in and preserve it for the coming months.
One thing I do know is that I feel Fortuna's wheel turning. This sense of impending change is almost visceral. I don't know what's coming down the pike, but I'm buckling my seat belt so I'll be ready.