Tuesday, July 24, 2012

The wives of pedophiles

Source

So. Just how much did Jerry Sandusky's wife know?

According to Psychology Today, quite a bit.

I don't usually read Psychology Today, but a google search* led me to a recent article on their blog by clinical psychologist Seth Meyers entitled, The Wives of Pedophiles Always Know the Truth.

How does the author know she knew? After reading the article, I'm still left wondering. He doesn't have any inside information. He's read the same news feeds we have. But nonetheless, he's sure he's right.

Though the article used only the Sandusky case as an example, Meyers' expanded his conclusion to include all wives of pedophiles.

Above all, why these women don't come forward or even admit the problem to themselves for more than a minute or two is that they don't want their husband to get in trouble with the law, because this would call attention to the women by their sides and make the women look guilty, too, for standing by all along as boy after boy gets abused.”

These women?

Wow.

I didn't realize we were a uniform demographic. According to Meyers, we are. He goes on to provide more insight about us:

Odds are that Sandusky's wife and the wives of other pedophiles have sleep and eating issues, and sometimes isolate themselves from friendships that get too close for fear that they'd spill the beans and share their fears about what's happening at home. I also believe that many of these women are on some sort of psychiatric medication to help them deal with anxiety and depression.”

I'm not sure where to begin with this. I suppose I'll begin by saying I don't know that I even fit his demographic. I'm an ex-wife of a pedophile, for one. At least now. And I don't know if my ex-husband fits the classical definition of a pedophile, which states that one has to have a primary or exclusive sexual attraction to young children (I'm going to guess primary). My ex-husband is currently charged with possession of child pornography. Whether his crimes went beyond that, I honestly don't know. I may never know.

But to get to the meat of the issue, I didn't know anything about what my (then) husband was doing until the police showed up to search our home. In retrospect, there were things that seemed suspicious. But while I was married? No idea.

I'm not sure there is much commonality between myself and any other woman married to a pedophile. If anything, I would guess we have dealt with at least some psychological abuse. Anyone who can harm or manipulate a child for their own sexual gratification is probably more likely to share other abusive traits.

I think the Sandusky case is an extreme one. It's a high profile case that involved a lot of children over a lot of years. It's been dissected in the news and I'm not going to go into all the possible things that people think should have clued Mrs. Sandusky in to what was going on. You've probably already read them.

I can't fathom what Sandusky's wife knew. I can't get inside her mind any more than I can get inside the mind of a white, male clinical psychologist prone to making sweeping judgments.

I would imagine she's spent a lot of nights crouched over a toilet seat. I would imagine she's wondering how she could not have known. I would imagine she's numb with grief.

But really? I have no idea.

And neither do you.



*Thanks to the anonymous commenter who mentioned my blog in the comments section of the article. It was how I happened to find it.





26 comments:

  1. I've heard that ALL white, male clinical psychologists have erectile dysfunction.

    xx

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Did you read that in Psychology Today? Because it sounds like a great article for them.

      Delete
  2. Wow. I'm rather speechless at this one. Sweeping generalizations by a clinical psychologist? Niiiice. How can a professional psychologist, let alone one who hasn't actually had any personal contact with the person he's just accused of being an accessory to child abuse, be allowed to do this? To comment on the case is one thing, but to say that it is the same for all?

    There is a mighty fine line between an opinion piece and defamation.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I agree. He's accusing her of a crime based on no evidence whatsoever. Classy.

      Delete
  3. I amazed that someone with a "qualification" can generalise so badly!! Most people in that profession no not to generalise. Amazing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, it seemed very unprofessional, didn't it?

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  4. It's just incredible that a so called 'professional' (who freely admits to not having examined the case on any personal level) could make such a damaging and sweeping statement!

    I am equally sure his view is not shared by the vast majority.

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    Replies
    1. I imagine it's just a sensation piece taking advantage of the headlines. But ridiculously unprofessional.

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  5. Scientists all over the world will know that this psychologist's sweeping generalizations are humbug. Unfortunately, the general public may not realize it.

    We all know the rule of thumb that betrayed partners are the last to know that their partners are cheating. Why shouldn't the same apply to the partners of criminals, sociopaths, or pedophiles?

    Hindsight is 20/20.

    Denouncing someone for not seeing what was right in front of them - a common and perfectly human failure - smacks of blatant arrogance and cruelty.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I have a feeling scientists don't read 'Psychology Today'. :)

      And yes, spouses are generally the last to know about affairs, etc. We all want to feel we can trust the person we married.

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  6. I think all we can say with any certainty is that Seth Meyers is a judgemental arsehole.

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    Replies
    1. And we actually have evidence to back this up!

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  7. Out. Of. Line.
    And he really should know better.
    xx

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    Replies
    1. I hope he doesn't have any actual clients.

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  8. So wrong. People are capable of great deception, particularly to those who love them ... he should know that.

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  9. It strikes me that this article is playing to public fear. No one wants to believe that the person they love (or have loved) is capable of something like this.

    We're sitting here in our ivory towers thinking "If there were *my* husband *I* would know and *I* would do something" because we are, after all, better than *those* women who've found themselves in such a horrible situation.

    The simple fact of the matter is, you marry someone you don't commit to share 100% of your time, your thoughts and your actions with them and you don't expect or require that your spouse do the same (does your husband know about all the shoes you've bought recently?). We all spend time away from the person we've married and in that time ANYTHING could happen.

    Blanket statements like this are abusive plain and simple. We don't know what that woman went through living with a man capable of doing the things he's done. As one of the comments on that article pointed out, she was probably chosen and groom just like those poor boys were.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think that's it. The article plays to the fears of wives who's minds have been unsettled by this. They all want to believe it could never happen to them. But more than that, it feels good (for some) to be able to point fingers and lay blame. Sanctimonious.

      Delete
  10. What an absolutely horrendous article (the one you refer to). That guy should be stripped of his qualifications. To make such inane generalisations without so much as a single reference to peer based studies simply makes him appear ridiculous. Unfortunately a lot of people will take his word as gospel and a lot of good women will be demonised. Infuriating.

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    Replies
    1. I agree. He should be. It's an embarrassment to his profession.

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  11. Goodness me, I can not fathom how this person can face himself in the mirror every day. I assume he has a long beard (from not looking in the mirror to shave) and unkempt hair for the same reason. Otherwise he is just an asswipe - and maybe that is the truth.

    I.D.I.O.T. in the first degree.

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    1. I actually checked out his bio. He is a self professed relationships expert and has a radio show, book, and contributes regularly to Psychology Today. Facepalm. Oh, and he has a blog that gets "thousands of views a year". That gave me a chuckle.

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  12. Completely unprofessional and irresponsible. Thank your lucky stars that you're not his client. And I'm sure many other women in a similar position to you will thank you for speaking up.

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    Replies
    1. I hate to say this, but some of the most unstable people I've met have been therapists. A lot of great ones, too, but you really need to do your research before signing on with someone.

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  13. How. Disgusting. I have no other words.x

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Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

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