Today is better. I'm finding my balance again. Thanks for your kind messages and comments.
When I feel anxious, I clean. It beats sitting there and letting my mind cycle through all the what ifs. So today I folded the laundry, swept up the kitchen floor, picked some mysterious blue substance out of the carpet in my son's room. Chop wood and all that.
Zen metaphors aside, there really is something grounding in doing chores. It makes me feel mildly virtuous and Amish-like. As if I'm putting the world back in order. I can imagine Mother Nature doing the same thing. Trailing along behind us righting fallen trees, smoothing out tire ruts, lifting stranded fawns over fences. Tsk tsking as she goes. It probably keeps her sane.
After I cleaned, I frosted some cupcakes that Danny and I had made the day before, and set them out on the table for the kids to decorate after school.
Taken from an angle strategically designed to
hide the Halloween themed cupcake liners
I have a distinct memory of coming home from school when I was a kid and my mom sitting on the front porch, holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies still warm from the oven. She could be very Martha Stewart when the mood struck her.
My mom brought so much light into my world. I've never missed her as much as I have these past two years.
When the kids came home we set about making our creations. Do you see that tall jar of pearl nonpareils up there? We hadn't been at it more than 30 seconds when Anna accidentally tipped the whole thing over and a zillion tiny nonpareils scattered across the table and onto the floor. We all sat frozen for a second. Anna was trying not to cry. I think she thought I would be upset, but honestly I was trying not to laugh.
I got out the broom again. Have you ever tried to sweep up nonpareils? (I'm guessing not.) Well, you can't sweep them into a pile. I tried and only succeeded in scattering them in six hundred different directions. The cats started chasing them. I laughed, because the whole exercise felt like a metaphor for my life.
So I got on the floor with a dust pan and crawled around on my knees trying to corral them into the dustpan. I imagine we'll be finding them in little crevices for months to come.