Sunday, April 14, 2013

Fallen fruit

About ten months ago I wrote a post in response to an anonymous comment I received on my blog. I was worried about the woman who wrote it. For a while I wondered whether she ever came back and read my post. I wondered if she was okay. 

But of course we put a lot of energy out into the world every day in the form of words/love/dreams/hope and are often left wondering whether or not they’ve met with their intended mark. Life can be a bit coy that way, playing hard to get with our desires.

More and more, I am okay with that. If I’m going to throw something out into the world, I now focus more on the delivery of the pitch, and not so much on whether, or even if, I hit my target. So much is beyond our control.

For most of my life I was not this way. I was a very goal-oriented person. I wrote a lot of lists. I was sure I knew what a successful life looked like, for me. Life was a smorgasbord in the form of a checklist and I went at it enthusiastically with my pen held high, poised to check off all the boxes.

Now I sit down to write out my goals and I question everything. Do I actually want to marry my soul mate? Or really, do I just want to give and receive love, to connect deeply with others, to heal and be healed? And can’t that happen in a million different ways? And look over there, something shiny…

The goals dissolve into obscurity before I get to the end of the sentence.  Perhaps there is a grand feast to be had out there in the distance, but there is also the fallen fruit right here, at our feet. I never noticed it before with my eyes trained on the horizon.

Perhaps a successful life is simply a meaningful life, and meaning can be found anywhere. Even right here at our feet.

Because the Universe, although coy, does have a sense of humor, I received an email last month out of the blue asking me to contribute to an upcoming book on goals. I was asked to write a ‘bucket list’. What were the ten most important things I’d like to achieve yet in my life?

I stared at a blank piece of paper for a long time, then scrawled out ten rather amorphous goals and sent it off. When, and if, it gets published, I’ll let you know.

I also received another email last month, alerting me to an anonymous comment left on one of my posts. It took me a minute to realize that this was the same Anonymous. That she was coming back, nine months later, to share with me how her story had ended, or rather shifted directions. She had a new story to tell.

I read her comment and then smiled, and then laughed, and then high-fived the air overhead.

I think you should high-five her too.







24 comments:

  1. I am so glad Anonymous came back, and hopefully she read your words.
    I think you've hit something, that putting your thoughts or opinions out there in the clearest way is where our focus should be rather on trying to get a message out and ensure people are hearing it, because even when you think you're being as clear as day people will still take it their way which may be different to what you intended.

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    1. Yes, we run everything through our own filters, don't we?! x

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  2. I'm high fiving both of you. For speaking out. For listening. For sharing. For standing tall in the daylight and not hiding in the shadows. Kudos to you both.

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    1. Thanks Cindi - nice to see your face pop up in the comments. Hope you are well. x

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  3. So glad she came back and that she is doing well enough for us all to high five each other !!! YAY !!!!
    It's amazing how differently you see things when you change your focus.
    HAve the best day !
    Me

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    1. Amazing how differently we see things when we turn off the chatter and really listen to our gut. x

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  4. This is such an amazing example of how personal bloggers can forge connections through their words. I'm glad she came back and read that post and shared her new-found perspective.

    And I, for one, am grateful that you put so much energy out there. Your voice, your strength, and your honesty are an inspiration. I'm sure not a one of your readers doubts that you hit your mark every single time.

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  5. A worthy high-five is always a great way to start a week. As is reading a new post from your good self. ;-)

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    1. Ack, I feel so rusty! Amazing how you can get out of the groove so quickly. Need to flex my writing muscles some more. Nice to see you again, too!

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  6. High five!! Yes, you do make a difference! Thanks for sharing the story!

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    1. Saw you got back home safely. So enjoyed following you along, vicariously, on your trip home. x

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  8. Totally highfiving and chest bumping the both of you. Your courage and bravery is truly inspiring hun. This just proves is black and white the difference you make to others lives by sharing your own xx

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    1. Thanks Sonia! I saw last night your blog was nominated for a top 100 Aussie blogs! Congrats!! x

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  9. YESSS!!

    Anonymous, I'm not only high-5ing you, I'm CHEERING for you! Hear me?
    X

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    1. I hear ya, halfway across the world! x

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  10. To be happy with all that is around is. I think you're right. That's true happiness

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    1. ...or at least most of what's around us. :)

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  11. "...are often left wondering whether or not they’ve met with their intended mark...More and more, I am okay with that. If I’m going to throw something out into the world, I now focus more on the delivery of the pitch, and not so much on whether, or even if, I hit my target. So much is beyond our control."

    Thank you, thank you, a thousand times THANK YOU. I've been following your blog for awhile and this really speaks to where I'm at.

    I also appreciate that you've put your trust in strangers to share your story and received so much trust back. You're a beacon and I'm so happy that you're around.

    I want to send kindness to you, Manda, and the rest of this amazing community of women (and maybe some men?) who come together and make a safe space for us to tell our stories.

    Kim

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    1. Kim, thanks for your beautiful words and your support. x

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  12. I'm so grateful to read blogs like this... I'm at a place in my life where I cannot even write a dream/bucket list. Most of the things I've dreamed of I've accomplished... and really the only thing left to conquer and win is learning to love myself... and gosh that's a tough one... what's also difficult to come to terms with is realizing all the stuff and dreams on my bucket list I grew up believing would make me happy has not and so what do I in the physical realm have to grasp on to? I'm perplexed, reading Barbara Scher's I Could Do Anything If I Only Knew What It Was, and going through a stream of depression... while spending everyday challenging myself on being mindful... I know I have a never ending road ahead, I will never get THERE... but it just seemed a lot easier when I had my eye on getting that new client or those new shoes... seemed much more tangible with a real live end game... now the end game is my heart and mind.. that's a difficult concept to grasp in my new reality..... So what do we do? Just keep living, breathing and smiling as much as possible.

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    1. Yes, yes, it's like shifting into a whole new reality, isn't it? It can be disorienting at first, but eventually so freeing. What else is there to achieve, really, than the continuous opening of our own hearts and minds? x

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Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

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