Tuesday, May 7, 2013

A guilty verdict

Thirty three months after the investigation first opened, I can finally announce that yesterday, May 6th, my ex-husband James Christmas pled guilty to possession of child pornography. He was immediately incarcerated and will remain imprisoned until his sentencing in August, 2013.

I was contacted late last week and told he would be pleading. This came as a complete surprise to me as he had previously chosen to take it to trial, which was set for the week of May 20th. As a witness in the trial, I had been subpoenaed and was scheduled to meet with the prosecutor to prepare for the trial.

However, I think when he realized he was not going to win, he chose to plead early in exchange for a more lenient sentence.

I had planned to go to the hearing, because no one knew yet whether he would be released until sentencing or immediately incarcerated, but the night before I became extremely ill and was sick in bed for several days.  It was probably just as well, as it would not have been an easy thing to watch. I think my body was letting me know it was okay to sit this one out.

I have waited so long for this day to come – almost three years. I had expected to feel immense relief, which I did, but what surprised me was the grief I also felt. I think perhaps that grief lay just beneath the surface of the fear and I was not able to feel it until the fear lifted. I don’t know. I just know that when it all came down, I was struck by the tragedy of it all. In addition to all the darkness, he had good in him too, and it made me sad to see the path he had chosen to go down, to take our whole family down. As a wise friend pointed out, choices, however limited they may seem, reside even in dark circumstances.

Another friend sent me a link to a story that one of the local news stations had run last night, and when I googled his name today, I saw that the story had been picked up by media all over Kansas and Missouri. I felt a little sick seeing that. One of the stations called for an interview, which I declined. I sat the children down last night and gave them the news, and then sent them off to school today praying that no one would say anything to them.

The stories are reporting that I found the child porn, which is not the case. I think one paper ran it and then the others picked up and repeated it. I found and handed over disks containing horror porn, and when the police looked through it they found they also contained child porn, and showed up with a search warrant the next day. I suppose the point is academic, as I did hand over the disks. I just had no idea what else was on them. I am just so grateful that I called the police at all. Horror porn is apparently not illegal, but I was concerned with it, in the wake of the assault, and wanted it out of the house.

I want to thank everyone who lent me their support during this difficult and rather unimaginable journey. I am blessed with such a strong and far-reaching web of support. It has made a world of difference.

I still can’t quite believe it’s over. I still am a little afraid to exhale. But it appears that finally, finally, it is  indeed over.






62 comments:

  1. This is the best news I have heard for weeks. I am so thankful that he is now in prison. I hope that you will now be able to begin the life that you so deserve.

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  2. Love you, love your kids, you are amazing. Finally a whole new chapter to grow and flourish on your own terms.

    LCM x

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  3. So thankful for this for you and your family. My thoughts and best wishes are with you always.

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  4. I am so pleased to hear that you have resolution on this now. Sending heaps of love, hugs and positive energy - you have been so amazingly strong through the whole process - an inspiration to anyone battling their own issues.
    Have the best day !
    Me

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  5. Finally. Just finally.

    Sending healing across the oceans to you and yours xxx

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  6. Finally it's over. Now you can get on with your life. Sending you hugs from Indy - we are practically neighbours.

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    1. I KNOW! We should get our cats together for a play date. x

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  7. What a huge relief. Hopefully you can now get on with your life, after all the limbo. Big hugs.

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  8. Thank goodness. You can breathe. Enjoy the exhale. xx

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  9. You are an amazing woman. I am pleased to read that he pleaded guilty as I'm sure you must have been too. And just as much as it is over I am equally sure it's something that remains present often. I hope this marks the beginning of a new time for you. Thinking of you xx

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    1. Thanks Cat! I can't believe all the time that has gone by while all this has played out. Seems ages since I was in Sydney. x

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  10. Exhaling with you, today. Sending peace and light to you and the children- you've fought a good fight throughout these painful, dark and long years.

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    1. Thanks, lovely Ti. I appreciate your company on the journey.

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  11. I can understand your relief and your grief. I am truly thankful that this part is now over for you and your gorgeous children and that he had the sense to plead, even if it was for his sake and not his families. I am praying that the media fallout does not come back and hurt your family and will hold you all in my heart that you continue to heal as you move forward. I wish I could physically hug you to show you my support, but cyber hugs will have to do. Much love to you and your munchkins.

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    1. Thank you beautiful Kakka. I will take a rain check on that hug. xo

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  12. Finally. Relief. Blessings to you.

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  13. Such a big relief and now you can start fresh. Love to you, my brave friend xx

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  14. Hugs to you and your family - I hope that from here you can move forward and breathe a little easier. You are strong and amazing and never forget that

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  15. I think you are so right. On the money. Your grief was always just under the surface and couldn't be realised until some of the fear lifted. How could it until then?

    This has been one heck of a journey for you and your children. I cannot even begin to fathom.. But through it all, you have remained so stoic, striving for that innate sense of peace I can feel in you, and funny as hell. You're a force to be reckoned with and you have carried yourself, always, at the end of the day, with such grace. Peace to you and your babies. xxxx

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    1. Thank you, sweets. I think fear overrides a lot of other emotions. I imagine in the coming days and weeks they will all bubble to the surface. Thanks for your consistent support through all of this. x

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  16. I don't even know what to say. I'm still horrified at all of it. May I ask, how are the children? So young, of course to really understand it all, but it all must be a bit surreal for them.

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    1. They are doing okay, all things considered. I want to respect their privacy, though, and probably won't talk much about how all of this has affected them. For some reason it doesn't feel right for me to write about that publicly. But they are resilient little souls, and the three of us will walk through this together. x

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  17. Remember that media coverage will be short - they will move on to the next story as fast as you can blink. I am glad you felt grief - it shows your heart. And as I have said before head up, chin out, shoulders back....

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    1. I'm sure you are right, Wendy, about the media coverage. I've had a lot of local hits to my blog in the past two days, which feels a bit strange. I suppose I feel more exposed, knowing they are coming over after reading the stories. But it's all okay. The worst is over.

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  18. Thank God.
    This has been a long time coming. I hope you and your children are living a happy life, and that it continues.

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  19. Hello beautiful lady. Your emotions must be many. After following your journey for three years (and watching your strength) I am so incredibly relieved to see the guilty verdict.
    I know I don't comment, but that doesn't mean I am not here. I usually just don't know what to say!
    With hugs
    Leanne

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    1. Thanks Leanne. And yes, knew you from way back before this ever happened! Thanks for hanging around for the long ride. x

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  20. As you know you have been in my thoughts lately,so I filled up with relief and happiness for you when I turned on my computer this morning and saw your words.
    I hope you know your beautiful amazing strength would have helped many others gain enough strength to make needed changes in their lives.That is precious.
    Wishing so hard for you to have much peace and happiness in your life now.
    Love and hugs.xx

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  21. I get the grief. It's for a lot of things; for Jim, and for the life you had imagined, and for the kids, and for the loss of innocence (everyone's).
    Give yourself lots of time to process it, and give yourself lots of love. And chocolate.

    On the up side..... OMG. It's OVER! Or at least, you're over the worst of it now. The uncertainty and fear can bugger off, and make way for Kristins' New Life.

    Sending you SO MUCH love and hope. Can you feel it?

    XXX

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    1. I can feel it. I've felt it for the past three years. You have been such a beautiful friend through all of this. Thank you. xo

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  22. God bless you & your children, my dear friend. May peace be with you today and all the days ahead. xoxo

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  23. This is the best news I have read for so long. HUGE sigh of relief for you. The day has come. Take care of you now my friend. xx

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  24. The sun WILL shine on you always, Blessings xx

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  25. I am so glad! I am dancing for joy on this side of the world!!!
    I always say: The wheels of justice turns very slowly, but it does turn in the right direction!
    Exhale...!!!

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    1. Yeah, I had to get out and kick the wheels a couple of times, but move they eventually did. xo

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  26. So relieved for you and your children. Sending you hugs and lots of strenght for whatever still lies ahead. You're one brave and inspiring lady. xoxo

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  27. I am so, so pleased for you. This is the best outcome and means you don't have to suffer in court on the witness stand, you can now get on with your lives in peace and safety. Sending lots of love and warm wishes for your bright future. xx

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  28. I'm so glad it's over. I hope you can start to heal now and begin a new life. Much love to you and your children. And the cats! x

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    1. The cats are very relieved, too. :)

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  29. I am sending you lots of love Kristin.
    I hope that the kids are as ok as can be expected, and that you are ok.
    He really needed to be behind bars a long time ago, but I am glad that he is there now.

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    1. Thanks hon. The kids are doing well. They are resilient little souls and they have some good supports in place. xo

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  30. The endless journey is ending and now you can pick up yours and the kids' lives and move on .. Yet, it is sad. A sad and uncertain period you face now but with a lightened load. You are cared for by so many & this news is just the best outcome. Hugs to you & your dear kids... Denyse xx

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    1. Thanks so much, Denyse. I appreciate your support and kindness. x

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  31. Love to you K xxx Thank goodness it is finally over now you are free for a fabulous fresh new life :-) <3

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  32. So glad it is over. Done and done. And may he stay in jail for a long, long time.

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  33. And now take those first lighter steps into a new, more hopeful world. You've earned it.

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  34. This has been a looong time coming. I'm glad that your fear has been lifted, but I understand your feeling of grief too. I think it is a good thing to feel. It shows that you have compassion. Lots of love to you and your family!

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    1. Thank you, sweet Katherine. I hope you and Yoon are well. x

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  35. Thirty-three months. Whoa. I am glad that he pled out and spared you and the children a prolonged trial. As for the grief, I imagine some of it is for who he could have been but chose not to be. Blessings to you as you move forward in healing with your precious children.

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  36. With bated breath we all waited to hear this and know that this leg of the journey is finally over. So very glad that you have found some peace and have not been dragged through a court trial!!!!

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    1. Thank you, Anne. I am so very relieved as well. Thanks for your support.

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  37. Amazing news! Much love to you and the little ones. I am keeping you three in my heart.

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  38. Your strength through this has been incredible Kristin. Exhale, and inhale again as you have an amazing path rolled out and it's time to move forward. Big hugs from me xx

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    1. Thanks, Christie. So ready to walk forward down that path. xo

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  39. Sometimes you can still feel shaky for a while once it is "all over" . Hope you start to feel safer soon x

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    1. Thanks, Blue. Feeling better every day.

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