Tuesday, September 17, 2013

Why I Don't Regret Any of It

The other day I was reading a book which posed the question: If you could go back into the past and change one thing, what would it be? My immediate answer, before I had time to even think about it, was, “I would change nothing.”

While it would have been nice to avoid the turmoil of the last several years, I honestly believe that what I gained from that trauma is greater than what I lost.

Here is a short list of the gifts I received:

  • I discovered my voice, and learned to raise it even under censor
  • I decided what I will allow into my life and what I will never again tolerate
  • I learned to shift out of worry and fear, and live in the present moment
  • I developed a closer bond with my children
  • I learned to address, rather than avoid, those things that brought me discomfort
  • My priorities came into sharp focus
  • I learned that I could fight for what I believed in, and do so successfully
  • I gained a solid sense of confidence
  • I developed a strong sense of mission and purpose
  • I now know what it feels like to stand in my power


These are not small things. They are huge. I am not the person I was three years ago, and I would not want to go back to being that person.

Had you asked me two years ago, would I like to undo any of it, I would have said "Yes!" Screamed it, in fact.

However, I don’t believe I would have gained so much, so quickly, were it not for the trauma. Intense discomfort is a powerful motivator for change. I’m not sure that motivation would have otherwise existed.

When I think back to who I was three years ago – how I spoke, the way I held myself, the internal talk in my head, how I avoided conflict, my knee-jerk reaction to agree with anyone/everyone, that feeling of being all twisted up inside -- all of that has been transformed. It’s amazing to me, really.

I’m not saying I’ve reached some personal development acme (far from it). It’s just that the amount of change in the past three years has been monumental, the equivalent of what I might otherwise have gained in twenty years, perhaps. And for that, I am immensely grateful.

I feel like I now have a blank slate before me, and that is exciting. It is at times scary and unnerving, but it is also so full of potential. I feel as if I am now, finally, at a point where I can truly realize the full extent of that potential. I find that tremendously exciting.

So, no, I wouldn’t change any of it. It was all exactly as it needed to be.






27 comments:

  1. i have found this in myself as well.
    with all the stuff i have been through.. i have tried to keep myself to a motto of 'non, rien de rien, noooon, je ne regrette rien' . other than in the song though, i think we need to be very aware of our past to be able to gain strength thrive in the present and in the future.
    which is pretty much what you are doing. good on you!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Sing it, Edith! I have that song on my iPod and like to blast it in my car (geek much?). But yes, all hail awareness. I would hate to have to go through the same thing twice just to learn my lesson.

      Delete
  2. I believe every thing that is given to us is a gift and when you view it as that, you gain an immense amount of wisdom to carry through with you on your journey. If you view it like this you'll never have regrets because it would change the person you have become.
    Our adversities strengthen and humble us and give us so much to share to help others. I admire you so much Kristin. You have so much to give.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Caz! And I absolutely agree. Every day is a gift. I'm just grateful I'm here for the journey. x

      Delete
  3. Love it! So glad for you that you've reached this point.

    While you're climbing a rocky patch - loosing your footing and facing the abyss - you might for a moment regret that you chose to climb the mountain. But once you've made it to the top and you see the beauty surrounding you it is impossible to regret the choices or the path that brought you there. At least that's how I like to look at it.

    I am in awe at how you managed to climb your mountain gracefully and with dignity. Thank you so much for sharing your journey. xo

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. What a beautiful analogy. I love it. The other thing the view from the top of the mountain provides, in addition to beauty, is perspective. xo

      Delete
  4. Mwah. Luv ya (but you know that already).

    LCM x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Hey, we need to set up a Skype date! xo

      Delete
  5. I will keep telling myself this and hopefully I will believe myself eventually :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I think we all need to find our own way of making peace with the circumstances we are dealt. I have found this particular perspective to be very empowering. I'm sure you will find the answers that work best for you. x

      Delete
  6. It is at this point that you know that you have drawn a line under the darkness; that your life is now bigger than the darkness that months ago threatened to consume it. You have outpaced and outstripped it. Keep going, never let it touch you. Run free.

    ReplyDelete
  7. It has been wonderful to watch your progress and see you pop out the other side.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you. It's been wonderful having you along for the journey. I hope you are well. x

      Delete
    2. I agree! Love what you gained, written beautiful, too!

      Delete
  8. You are amazing. You really truely are.

    ReplyDelete
  9. You are such an amazing lady !!! I have also learned that, while it would be good to be able to erase the hard times, there is no way I would have learned what I have if I did.
    Wishing you happiness and peace moving forward !
    Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for being such a consistent support!

      Delete
  10. You are incredible, this I know x

    ReplyDelete
  11. It is exactly the same I feel about my life! You go!

    ReplyDelete

Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails