Tuesday, February 4, 2014

Just buy the damn cookies

I've sat here for much of the day trying to crank out my thoughts on the Woody Allen creep-a-thon, but I finally decided I just can't. Maybe another day.

In the meantime, let's discuss CookieCott.

What is that, you ask? Let me enlighten you.

Some American organizations have taken to the media to ask people to refrain from buying Girl Scout cookies. They have issued a boycott, which they are calling CookieCott 2014.

It seems that a few days ago Girl Scouts tweeted links to two articles which listed the most influential women of 2013, and posed the question, "Who would you nominate as the most influential women?" On one of the lists, published on HuffPost, Texas Senator Wendy Davis was mentioned. The other article mentioned Kathleen Sebelius, Secretary of the Department of Health and Human Services (and former Kansas governor **fist bump**).

If you are like me and 95% of the American population, you would hear these two names and think: "Um...wha...?" 

Both women, however, happen to be pro-choice, which is what inspired the ire of a few conservative groups. And since someone in a corporate office of a nonprofit that strives to teach leadership skills to girls tweeted a link to someone elses' article that included the names of leaders who among a hundred other things supported one issue they didn't like, they did what any morally-motivated group would do to express their dismay: they decided to crush the dreams of hundreds of thousands of pre-pubescent girls.

Girl Scouts also tweeted this picture of adorable
 (yet politically subversive) children selling cookies

The boycott was announced right as Girl Scouts was gearing up to begin their annual cookie drive. It was started by a group with a long name that had the word "Waco" in the title, and then several other groups joined in, including One Million Righteously Imperious Moms Who Seriously Need Coffee or a New Hobby. I think. Google it yourself if you're a stickler for facts. Fox News did their part by giving the boycott lots of air time.

I was a Girl Scout when I was young. I remember religiously collecting every possible badge as if my future success in life depended on passing the necessary levels to earn Cooking and Bowling and Etiquette. I remember the year my mother volunteered, against her better judgement, to be Cookie Mom for our troop. A truckload of cases was delivered to our house and stacked up in our family room and my mom's eyes glazed over with alarm. I remember our wealthy neighbor, with the house alarm that went off every time a cat walked across the lawn and jarred the entire neighborhood, bought two entire cases of cookies from me and I thought I had died and gone to heaven.

Obviously, Girl Scouts shaped me into the person I am today, who can fearlessly lead two children and four cats through all manner of challenges.

As such, I have decided to exercise my moral outrage and I hereby announce NinnyCott. 

What is NinnyCott? It's an effort to raise awareness of the proliferation of judgmental and hyper-reactive ninnies on the planet who suffer through each day without coffee, hobbies or the ability to exercise reason (and often, compassion).

How do you participate in NinnyCott? It's easy.

1. Go here
2. Type in your zipcode and choose from the long list of locations where you can buy Girl Scout cookies
3. Buy Girl Scout cookies
4. Eat them
5. Or, if you're like me and your doctor has recently uttered the alarming words "pre-diabetic" (WTH?), donate them to your local domestic violence shelter. The women and children there will appreciate it.
6. You can also send them to our troops through Operation Gratitude
7. Avoid the Somoas
8. Seriously. Trust me. Just buy more Thin Mints

That's it. That's all you have to do. By following these simple steps you can support enlightenment, make lots of small children happy and, as a bonus, you will have something delicious to dunk in your coffee.

Planet = saved.


  1. If I lived there, I would buy ALL the cookies!

    1. And you would make ALL the children happy!

  2. Nádherně prohlásil. Doplňují se nová písmena jsou skutečně neuvěřitelné. Jsem vděčný, týkající se odhalení těchto lidí.
    Témata, jako jsou šaty, topy bez ramínek, oblečení a další. Ale také módy a módních doplňků jako jsou tyto produkty jsou často kombinovány s lepicími prsu výtahy.
    Neviditelná podprsenka
    Neviditelných podprsenek
    Podprsenka bez raminek

    1. I know, I know. I'm outraged too!

      P.S. How did you get through my spam filter?

  3. Sadly the cookie boycott isn't a new thing. I know there was a country wide one last year and maybe the year before and I think by the same group. Sorry, I dont have the exact details. I really don't want to give them more attention and page views. It's sick. It's insane. Honestly I get passion for a cause, but there is so much more productive ways to prostest and spread messages. These kinds of boycotts only serve to remind me that it is cookie time. Yes, 50 boxes please...

    1. One of the articles I read mentioned that it has happened before. I just have never heard of it until this year. Likely because I don't watch Fox News.

  4. Do they ship overseas? I like me a good non-judgemental cookie (and a well written blog). ;-) x

    1. Extra cookies for you just for the 'well written' comment.

    2. Wait...did you just call me a non-judgmental cookie?


Mmmm, comments - nom, nom, nom, nom!


Related Posts with Thumbnails