Sunday, March 22, 2015

The 39 Reasons


  1. I have to write. It is in my blood.
  2. But I don’t have time anymore. My job sucks up all my time.
  3. I’m too exhausted.
  4. Besides, the community isn’t there any more.
  5. I will be writing into a void.
  6. I miss that sense of community so much.
  7. Life has become too heavy and serious.
  8. And what if I don’t write anything inspired?
  9. What if it’s boring?
  10. My writing has bored me lately.
  11. When I write too much, the truth comes out.
  12. The truth is painful.
  13. I don’t want to feel it.
  14. I’m hungry. I wonder if there is any cake left?
  15. I need a cup of tea, too.
  16. You know, there is so much heaviness associated with this blog.
  17. When I open it up, I remember all of it – the ups, the downs, the serious downs.
  18. It comes flooding back.
  19. I need to start another blog, one that is fresh and new, without that heavy history.
  20. But god that’s a lot of work, building a new blog.
  21. Yeah, no. I don’t want to do all that work.
  22. It’s not just the painful memories. I’m reminded of all the dreams I had, too.
  23. I’m reminded that my life hasn’t worked out the way I hoped it would.
  24. I’m still in Kansas.
  25. I feel old.
  26. I’m being morose. I would feel better if I started exercising again.
  27. Actually, I should be cleaning.
  28. I should go get my kids off the computer and do a puzzle with them.
  29. In fact, we should have scheduled family time once a week. No computers, no devices.
  30. What if I write and no one reads?
  31. What if people from work are reading? That’s always awkward.
  32. What if my ex’s family reads it?
  33. What if he reads it?
  34. He gets out in two years.
  35. I don't think Anna fed the cats. They are looking at me like they haven't been fed.
  36. I need to go to bed in an hour.
  37. Seriously, fuck all of it.
  38. I just want to write.
  39. I need to write.







14 comments:

  1. All of these, ditto. I started a new blog, because I was tired of the old me. But guess what? The new me was the old me and vice versa. I still write about the same stuff and I'm using the old heavy stuff to fuel my advocacy for and against things. Because I have first hand knowledge. And just when I think I'm going to shut it down and never write again, a post pops into my head and voila!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yes, I've seen a number of bloggers do this! Starting and stopping, changing, trying to find their feet. It's all good. I think sometimes we take ourselves too seriously. I'm glad you're finding your voice again and keeping at it. That's awesome.

      Delete
  2. Interesting list and I can relate to a lot of it. I think the blogging world has definitely changed. I have seen many bloggers migrate to the world of Instagram. It's a cosier place than Twitter (way too much hate and forceful opinions there!) and allows just glimpses into someone's life.
    I still blog but just don't carry any guilt about the lack of frequency or depth, as I still feel some connection through Instagram.
    Lastly, please don't underestimate your writing - it's never boring and it doesn't matter how infrequent you write or how many clicks or likes you get, as someone, somewhere will be taking something from it.
    x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks, Beth! You know, I can't get into Instagram. I have an account but haven't used it in years. I might have to give it a try again. Thanks for reading. x

      Delete
  3. Blogging is a funny old game -

    you write something down, click submit and say "there you go, World, what do you think of that?" And then you wait .... and you wait...

    Then you write something daft - a quick one-liner - maybe even just quoting someone else, and the Internet loves it - like after like, comment after comment.

    Then you write something that matters. Something that breaks your heart as you type it, something that really means something. And the planet coughs, and shifts uncomfortably in its orbit before clicking away.

    But still we do it.

    and then we do it again.

    Because we want to.

    Because we choose to.

    :-)


    Re-brand is you want to / if you need to - just make sure the choice is your own - if it is, then it'll be the right one.


    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Isn't that the truth, Glen? You just never know what's going to resonate! Thanks for your support, as always.

      Delete
  4. Writing is as inescapable as being yourself. It can't be run from, or ignored, or disguised. You will out. Always.

    And that is ALWAYS a good thing. Trust the writing in you and the you in your writing.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Steve. I hope you take your own words to heart for yourself as well. xx

      Delete
  5. Screw the list. Just do it. Keep writing. Forget the rest. There will be people here to read your words, to support you and to remind you that you are doing awesome things.

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you, Malinda! And I think you have the right attitude. x

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  6. Well I'm still patiently waiting for you to say "Go!" so we can do something equally crazy and inspiring together.
    You will either never want to blog after that, or have sufficient fodder to last a lifetime.

    LCM x

    p.s. your writing is fabulous either way, don't stop

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Me, too, LC! I still want to do all the crazy and inspiring things! I'm banking on the latter, btw (more blog fodder). xo

      Delete
  7. LOVE! I am sure you wrote this list for me too. :)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Ha, maybe I was channeling you when I wrote it! TW. Typical writers.

      Delete

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