If you have come to my blog to read about my experiences with violence and my journey towards healing, this is a good place to start. It is a chronological history of my posts on the topic, beginning with my decision to divorce, the assault, my husband's criminal investigation, media involvement and my decision relocate temporarily to a safehome.
These are not reflective posts looking back on what happened in the past. Rather, they were written in the midst of the trauma. As such, they reflect the fear, disbelief, grief and the whole roller-coaster of emotions I experienced as I navigated my way through all of it. The few that I felt might be upsetting for some to read contain trigger warnings.
If you have ever dealt with violence or if you currently live in fear of violence, I hope you can derive some comfort and strength from my story. I hope you know that you deserve better. You deserve love and respect and safety. You deserve to ask for and receive the help you need, regardless of your age or income or background. Please, love yourself enough to take that first step towards your own freedom. It will be worth it a hundred times over. My post If You Read Nothing Else I Ever Post, Read This includes links to organizations where you can find help.
The sound of a heart breaking April 5, 2010 - The rawness of it all
Pacing, Waiting May 24, 2010 - Feeling trapped, wanting out
Sinking July 1, 2010
Battle Weary Aug 5, 2010
Things like this don't happen to someone like me Aug 21 - First post about the assault, published on friend's blog (Trigger warning - descriptions of violence)
Fear Aug 30, 2010
The Criminal Investigation / Living in limbo:
Silenced Sept 17, 2010 - The pain of having to quell my voice. In response to the search of our home and discovery of husband's criminal activity.
The Undoing Sept 30, 2010 - Speaking in metaphor about above. Emotionally gutted, betrayed.
If you read nothing else I ever post, read this Oct 13, 2010 - Finding the courage to speak out on my own blog about DV.
An Appeal Oct 17, 2010 - The seed is planted for trip to AusBlogCon in Sydney in March, 2011
The Call Oct 29, 2010 - Going to court for a restraining order and learning the extent of my husband's crimes. Rock bottom.
Broken and Whole Nov 25, 2010 - Written for White Ribbon Day, which ended up being a magical day. "I stopped to drink a cup of solace and then they filled my cup again from within the broken places in themselves."
Well, hello Sydney! Nov 27, 2010 - My dream of coming to Sydney becomes a reality.
To have a voice Jan 4, 2011 - Violence, repression and Afghan women
I am your friend Jan 10, 2011 - A friend and fellow blogger experiences her own dark night. For Lori.
Mile upon mile Jan 17, 2011 - Running from violence
Broken Feb 10, 2011 - Breakdown
Shattered Feb 17, 2011 - PTSD
OMG OMG OMG I'm here!! Mar 13, 2011 - Finally, I arrive in Sydney.
Falling through the cracks of the system Mar 28, 2011 - Why I'm afraid to go home and how the system has failed us. Naming my husband's crime for the first time. (Trigger warning - graphic descriptions)
Honesty April 7, 2011 - On sharing our complicated histories. When, and with whom.
My thoughts on prison April 13, 2011 - On choices and accountability.
Blood Red Life April 19, 2011 - Originally written over a year ago and never published, a post that shows me busting at the seams of a constricting marriage, longing for a richer, deeper experience of life.
There's too many of us - April 22, 2011 - An interview with Broowaha online, and why I speak publicly about my experiences.
The dead woman - April 26, 2011 - There was a painting of a dead woman that hung above our bed.
The scream - April 28, 2011 - Release and purification.
Fragility - May 9, 2011 - Making peace with where you're at.
Soul Mates - May 14, 2011 - Kindred spirits I have met along the way.
A different kind of prison - June 2, 2011 - For all the victims of crime, who never have a release date.
Life, one year on - August 19, 2011
Speak Out - Nov 17, 2011 - A social media campaign to drive awareness of DV. Includes links to survivor's stories.
Breathing Poison - December 6, 2011 - Testifying in court.
What I Remember - April 29, 2012 - Hindsight and all that.
Suffer the Children - May 21, 2012 - Who are the children? Where are the children?
Running from Violence:
I went to the media and here is why - May 25, 2012 - investigative report on criminal case airs on Fox 4
The Good Mother - May 28, 2012 - A conversation with the forensics detective
Day 6 - Longing - May 29, 2012
Progress, no Progress - June 1, 2012
Expendable - June 11, 2012
The Broken Vase - June 28, 2012 - Assessing danger.
The Incredible, Unquenchable Soul-Eating Machine - July 10, 2012 - Learning to hold my own space.
Arrest and Conviction
Charges and an Arrest - July 13, 2012
Conditions of Release - July 17, 2012
Reeling - August 15, 2012
Resurrection - Sept 18, 2012
Through the Darkness - Oct 4, 2012
A Guilty Verdict - May 7, 2013
Done With All That - July 3, 2013
The Silence that Speaks Volumes - Feb 23, 2014
A Sentencing Verdict - Feb 25, 2014